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What domestic or international travel destination best defines you and why?


kofpower2411 6 / 23  
Jan 22, 2009   #1
Geez, I'm really daunted by the 250 characters limit. You can see the prompt on the subject, however, I'll still put it here:
"What domestic or international travel destination best defines you and why?"

This is my first draft, which in the form of a poem:

Da Lat, the city of spring
Just like me, a bubbly boy full of spirit.
Da Lat, the beauty under mist
Just like me, wait for you to reveal the fog.
Da Lat - Dat Aliis Laetitiam
"Bring happiness to others"
And I'm here, ready to share your trouble.

However, I'm really sad that I cannot submit the above version =.=, though it's under 250 characters. Therefore, I have to change it to prose, do you guys think it is ok this way?

Da Lat, the city of spring. Just like me, a bubbly boy full of spirit. Da Lat, the beauty under mist. Just like me, wait for you to reveal the fog. Da Lat: Dat Aliis Laetitiam -

"Bring happiness to others", and I'm here, ready to share your trouble.

I really need help on punctuation, when switching from poem to prose, I dun know those dots should be changed to comas or not :((
Thanks for your feedback

*Note: Da Lat is a famous touring city in Vietnam for its flower, the clammy weather, as well as its mysteries. It is also called the city of love, the city of flowers, and the city of ghost :D.

chegoyam 2 / 6  
Jan 22, 2009   #2
why can't you submit the poem version? i think it looks much better that way.
Maybe, if have to change it to prose, you could describe the city in the beginning, and then write in more elaborate way. or, maybe you could put semi colon like

Da Lat, the city of spring; just like me, a bubbly boy full of spirit.
it's just my opinion :)
i think it's a nice one.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Jan 22, 2009   #3
Da Lat, the city of spring, is just like me; a bubbly boy full of spirit. Da Lat, the beauty under mist, is just like me; I wait for you to reveal the fog. Da Lat: Dat Aliis Laetitiam -

"Bring happiness to others", and I'm here, ready to share your trouble.

I changed it a little, but you are a very good poet. Too bad you can't submit it in poem form!

:)
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 22, 2009   #4
Are you sure you mean "I wait for you to reveal the fog?" Doesn't fog by its very nature conceal? So wouldn't you therefore want the fog to do the revealing, presumably of the beauty under it? Just a thought.
OP kofpower2411 6 / 23  
Jan 23, 2009   #5
Thanks everyone :)

I'm still unable to submit it in poem form though =.=.

Thank you very much, Kevin, I have tried your suggestion , and it will have 7 characters over limit =.=. I hate those limits :(. How can they ask too much and give you only little space in the application.

So can I use semicolons instead of dots, like SangEun suggestion?

Da Lat, the city of spring; just like me, a bubbly boy full of spirit. Da Lat, the beauty under mist; just like me, wait for you to reveal the fog. Da Lat: Dat Aliis Laetitiam - "Bring happiness to others", and I'm here, ready to share your trouble.

@ Sean: I imply that I'm too surrounded by fog, and I have many traits, and hidden surprises for others to reveal, especially the adcom :D, but I cannot tell that much with 250 characters, can imply only :(.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 23, 2009   #6
Yes, but what you are saying at the moment is that you are hiding the fog, and that it is the fog, rather than your traits and surprises, that you want people to reveal. You need to reword the phrase to say what you mean. As for turning it into prose, that should be easy -- much easier than turning prose into poetry, certainly. Just take the ideas in the poem and express them in grammatically correct sentences, combining ideas where necessary to get a flow that seems natural.
getitlow 7 / 17  
Jan 26, 2009   #7
I think you can simply fill in the box " please refer to my attached answer to this question" and submit your response in paper along with your application package...I have done so for some colleges that I applied to..Don't know if it's applicable or not :D


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