Eccentricity, Drive and Concentration: BU supplement

He is my BU 'give three words that describe how you'll contribute to BU's diversity' essay

Average, normal and indifferent are three words that are rarely associated with who I am. Ever since grade school, I have always had an opinion, an unusual sense of humor and a desire not to have the usual school experience. Therefore, my passions are centered on trying to understand our strange world. I am prepared to give all I have in order to pursue this aim and receive the benefits of a Boston University education. What I have to offer is my drive, concentration, and eccentricity; three words that I strive to embody.

ANY comments or bits of advice are welcome, including harsh but sensible criticism!

"three words that I strive to embody. " you say you already offer it no need to say strive.

you didn't really answer how you'll contribute to their community...

^How does having an opinion, or having an unusual sense of experience, or even not having the usual school experience, imply that your passions are understanding the strange world?


^How is your outlook on life unique? Many people are funny. Many people have opinions. Many people do not have the usual school experience. (For example, the class clown is funny, has his own opinions and may not have the usual school experience due to detentions or expulsions, whatever). The class clown can also think want to understand the strange world. No, I think your use of the word 'unique' is way too flattering.


^Absurd humor can also be really inappropriate and really unfunny jokes. Neither of these attribute to creativity. In my opinion at least.


^How can you bring abnormal intensity to reading before bed? I assume, that you are already in bed and reading a book. Does not seem to be too intense.

I can see that from then on, you have decided to ramble. I admit that I have stopped reading the essay, and that perhaps is something that should concern you, because as a reader I have lost interest. You are not getting to the point. How will your three qualities contribute to BU's diversity.

Average, normal and indifferent are three words that are rarely associated with who I am. I am inherently unique and opinionated because I am human. While I believe everyone is an individual, I offer my own combination of traits to the Boston University community. I am prepared to give all I have in order to pursue this aim and receive the benefits of a BU education. What I have to offer is my drive, concentration, and eccentricity; three words that I embody.

Throughout most of my life, I've been considered an eccentric character. Thinking is my favorite activity. I remember once having a zealous discussion with a friend about whether or not art should have rules. I believe that a simple life of hard work and compassion is sufficient. I am vocally against the over-use of technology and advocate living at a slow pace, unlike most of my peers. By encouraging slowing down stressful college life and sharing my probing intellect with my peers, I would contribute to BU by creating an active but relaxed environment around me.

While my eccentricities keep me sane, my drive gives me a reason to persist. As a child, I went through periodic obsessions over everything from llamas to Lord of the Rings. I would try to learn everything possible about my latest fixation. After starting high school, this desire to learn turned to my school work and activities. My drive to do well in my own eyes pushes me to set new personal standards. Working hard has opened my eyes to my flaws and has pushed me to try to become better. Unlike many of my peers, I assess my progress in school not on grades, but on how much I have learned. As a driven individual, I would be committed to passionate work in and outside of BU's classrooms.

Without my concentration, my drive would be rendered useless. With a plan and a deadline, I become intensely focused. I take my work one step at a time and become absorbed in a current activity. I try to look at everything I do objectively. By being both my own critic and friend, I am able to assess my work and the work of others with a firm planting in reality. My focus and objectivity would bring a clear and honest opinion to BU's community in order to make it ever better. As someone interested in music, theatre, public speaking, and politics, I would bring my concentration to all of my activities in college so that both BU and I can benefit from my short time as a student.

Any better?

Does anyone have any comments about my latest draft?