"My education took place in Dubai, UAE," - NYU Essay #1

This is the essay for the first prompt:

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

My education took place in Dubai, UAE, which fueled my interest for marketing and business. Dubai has transformed into a trading hub and a tourist destination, supported by marketing. Growing up in that environment led me to form a passion ...

I don't think it's very good, but i have a few characters left that i could squeeze in if you have any suggestions

Thank you :)

My education took place in Dubai, UAE, which fueled my interest for marketing and business. Dubai has transformed into a trading hub and a tourist destination, supported by marketing. Growing up in that environment led me to forminvoked a strong passion for marketing. Marketing is an inevitable part of human life as we are always trying to convince people of our view, which is how I have grown up. At NYU Stern(insert comma) I will gain theprofessional skills(insert comma) enter the marketing world(insert comma) and impact it in a positive way.

The second "a" can be removed.

I would use a stronger verb such as invoked or conjured.

"the skills" is sort of awkward; professional skills sounds...well...PROFESSIONAL!

;)

You have a great background. Good luck!

Alright.. I revised it.
Hope it sounds better.

And does it aptly answer the prompt?

My education took place in Dubai, UAE, which fueled my interest for marketing and business. Dubai has transformed into a trading hub and tourist destination, supported by marketing. Growing up in that environment invoked a strong passion for marketing. Marketing is an inevitable part of human life as we are always trying to convince people of our view, which is how I have grown up. At NYU Stern, I will gain professional skills needed for the marketing world, and impact it in a positive way.

In my opinion, you must talk more about NYU...the final statement does include NYU but no specific reason as to why you intend to study there. Also, you need to include an ECA. The language seems perfect, though!

@Silkesha: Could living in dubai be considered an expereince since they ask for EC or Expereince?
Thanks alot though! :D