"Elaborate on extracurrilar actitivies" essay; I became aware of poverty at 7

I became aware of poverty at 7, walking by my mother's side on the city's street where a beggar sat nearby with one hand extended. Normally my mother forbids interactions with strangers, much less a beggar, but that day she put the bill in my hand and told me to give it to him. "If you're good, others will be good to you" she told me afterward. From then on Her words became the guideline for all my good actions. It was why I joined Key Club, a volunteer organization. Key Club has allowed me to find new friends, explore uncharted places in the city, and help others in small but meaningful ways. My mother was right, if you're good to others, they will be good to you. But Key Club shows me a little more. It shows me that whenever I make a person smile, or stock up canned goods to feed the hungry, I'm not just for something in return, but simply performing a sacred duty to help others, knowing that somewhere in the city street, a beggar is sitting, hands extended.

~ I feel like I either miss something or stray off course. Please help!

I think your essay will sound more complete if you add a bit more detail. Explain how you found out about key club, what exactly made you want to join, how you felt inspired. Tell the reader exactly what feeling you experience when helping others. Explain in more detail what types of volunteer work you did- and connect this work to your future goals. Say how this work has laid the foundation for your future work. How does this volunteer job relate to your education, if at all? What skills have you learned that will help you in college or in a professional job? These are some ideas on how to elaborate and lengthen your paper. Good luck in school :)

the limit is 1000 words

I know you didn't ask for grammar help, but just in case you didn't notice:


"or stock up on canned goods to feed the hungry, and not just for something in return, but simply performing"

I like the essay, but maybe you should start with a short introduction about Key Club? The story/explanation at the beginning was good, but I found myself wondering how it was going to be relative to the extracurricular activities you we're involved with. It was a great hook, I just feel like the reader becomes lost while waiting to find out how the story ties in. Great work!

I would cut down on the intro and explain a little more on what you did in the club and how that impacted you. but other than that the essay is pretty good!