HI,
THIS IS THE ANSWER TO A SHORT ANSWER ON THE EMERSON COLLEGE SUPPLEMENT.
PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE/CRITICISM=] IT IS DUE TOMMOROW SO I AM TRYING TO FINISH UP.
I STILL NEED TO WRITE AN ENDING 1-3 SENTENCES TO CAP THIS PARAGRApH OFF.
THANKS!!
Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it? Why? Please be brief (100-200 words).
Urban Jungle
If I were to write the story of my life, it would be titled "Urban Jungle." Growing up in my house has been like living in a jungle. Not a jungle in the tropical Amazon, for that would be much too peaceful. Instead, the jungle that I live in is urban and is right in the heart of Chicago. This jungle has an abundance of wild animals, or as some prefer to call us, children. We weigh in at the immense number of six, plus my mother and father, which makes us a solid eight. Although there are many people living here, the animals always seem to outnumber us. I believe the current animal count in my home is 11, but don't hold me to that for it is a little difficult to keep up. My house gets pressingly chaotic at times and it is often impossible to find matching socks, but I secretly enjoy the bedlam. I have grown accustom to the way my large family lives. I am used to being called everyone else's name but my own. I also always remember to pick up extra milk, bread, and eggs on my way home from school, and when my dad yells the word "groceries" I run and hide in an attempt to save myself from the stampede of children running down the stairs. Plus, and most important, I have come to realize that our weekly purchase of Lint brushes is beyond essential. All of these customs are part of my life, and I believe that they make me a better and more tolerant person. This tolerance will be of assistance in college, a place full of people, noise, and dirt. I have no idea as to what the term "personal space" means, so living in a dorm will be very feasible.
^ I STILL NEED TO ADD AN ENDING. ANY IDEAS?
I really like it and I like the use of word "jungle".
If I were you, I would like to give some more specific examples about your life.
the current animal count in my home is 11???? what do you mean by animals in that sentence.
I think you can write about the area(neighborhood) that you live in and the school too.
by the way if you live in the heart of Chicago that means we live in the same jungle...jk.
good luck.
I really do like the metaphor you're going for here. The use of jungle images as symbols of things in your life helps to relate the description both to you're title but also to the chaos you're trying to convey. I agree that the sentence about having 11 animals needs to be revised, because you referred to the kids in your family as animals, refering to actual animals as animals only a few sentences later is confusing.
Over all I think it is pretty good so far but I still think you need to make it more personal. The best advice I could give you is that, when writing a college essay, show don't tell. This pretty much means that instead of telling the addcom that your life growing up was surrounded by chaos, why not try to remember an interesting or funny situation which happened with your family that shows that chaos. That way, the reader would feel as though they were seeing a part of you and not just what you are telling them. Make it personal, make it interesting and entertaining. And above all else, take a risk.
Also, I'm applying to Emerson as well and am putting in my application tomrrow too. Yea for procrastination! so if you could review my answers and give me some feedback it would be very much appreciated. Thanks and good luck :)
