"engendered a love for fashion" - stanford roommate essay

It is still really rough, and I wasn't sure if this was a good way to approach the prompt. Harsh criticism welcome :]
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

When someone says to describe myself in 1800 characters, I think why am I wasting space by writing an intro? So, instead of citing off activities on my resume surrounded by lavish adjectives in sentences, I concocted a sparknotes version of me that would provide pragmatic when forced to share four walls together. While chocolate is a woman's best friend, it is my taste buds worst enemy. I can not jog more than a mile without thinking there is a serial killer chasing me. The only way I can stay up past midnight is to put on music and dance as if there is an earthquake violently shaking my body, my arms flailing in every direction. I love to break awkward silences with some of my signature jokes. I have an addiction that rehab can not cure: reading. Even now, my hands incessantly find their way back to the pages of My Sister's Keeper. One stereotype that I admit falling into is an Asian, woman driver-able to do triple integrals, yet can't make a turn without endangering lives. If there was one physical appearance I could change about myself, it would be my hair. People have compared it to as big as a lion's mane, yet as coarse as a horse's tail. I have engendered a love for fashion while working at a clothing store. These small facts that no one pays attention to define who I am. What other people maybe see as flaws, I see it is something that makes me different than the person next to me.

I know my conclusion is weak, but I didn't really know how to end it well.

Wow, the thing about an Asian woman driver is really funny.

Oh... don't mention sparknotes... it does not reflect well on you.

Take this opportunity to impress them. Give a sense that you are thoughtful about many things, and curious. Tell them about your intellectual interests, because that is more relevant to college. What you have here is good, but I think you should show off your intellect a little more.

interesting approach to the essay. mine was way different. i guess it's how u interpret the question too. maybe include hobbies, personality, talk about those five adjectives/words that describe you.

I did that somewhat.

HAHA I like this actually, but definately you should make some changes.
I disagree with h4ppidais in that the whole When someone says to describe myself in 1800 characters, I think why am I wasting space by writing an intro? So, instead of citing off activities on my resume surrounded by lavish adjectives in sentences, I concocted a sparknotes version of me that would provide pragmatic when forced to share four walls together. should stay. BUT! I do see where h4ppidais is coming from, and I think you can address this problem by making this a bit more short and concise since it is, like h4ppidais said, pretty obvious that it's not an intro. By pointing out that youre not going to write an intro says that you're doing something more unique which is good!

While chocolate is a woman's best friend, it is my taste buds' worst enemy.

It seems like from the chocolate sentence and beyond, you begin listing. If that's what you were shooting for, stay with it. It gives it a short of characteristic rambling tone which is humorous. If that wasn't what you were shooting for at all, then make it flow somehow (although it might be a bit difficult).

Please read mine!:

I would add a little more direct sentences and would recommend to organize it a little more so that it will have a better flow to it

I take offence at the stereotype of a careless Asian woman driver - I am a woman driver and Asian, and I am an excellent driver - have never had a single black mark on my license! I hope no Asian woman driver reads your essay!

The rest everyone else has covered.