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How do you expect to grow in Alma College; 'I come from Iran'



programmer 6 / 23  
Nov 24, 2012   #1
I am not a native english speaker so i won't be offended. About the structure, content, sentences, anything just let me know where and what i should add.

I come from Iran. Before Arabs invaded my country, its name was Persia. My last name is Parsi, means coming from Persia. I live with my mother, not that I haven't felt love of both my parents. They are divorced now. Before my father's depression overcame his love, he used to love me, and I enjoyed being loved.

I have grown up now, not fully. But, I know how to take care of myself. I know how to live in the absence of freedom, love, equality. What I hope to regain, or even rebuild, is what I feel I have lost. I want to learn. I have always been an eager learner, someone thirsty for a piece of valuable information. When I was a kid, people used to ask me: What do you want to be when you grow up? Well, I used to tell them: A genius. After I finished primary school my answer changed, I wanted to be a vet. Even now, I rescue animals, stray dogs and cats and other animals. By finishing second year of high school, I knew that I want to inform people. I praised Berners-Lee for inventing the internet, for informing people.

In my country, people are suffering from poverty. Their poverty is not rooted in anything but knowledge. I want to learn, and then inform people, about the truth. I am born to grow, to make the world a better place. Now if you ask me what I want to be, I will say a teacher, not simply a person who teaches a lesson for years over and over. I want to become a Berners-Lee, an influential person.

We are born to grow, and to help others grow. I am looking for teachers who can take my hand, and show me the way, and I will take a millions of hands after that.

TranLePhu 4 / 14  
Nov 25, 2012   #2
I don't want to just focus on grammatical errors, so may you please post the prompt of the essay? With the prompt, I'll be able to review the effectiveness of the purpose and meaning of your essay, please! :)
OP programmer 6 / 23  
Nov 25, 2012   #3
sure, "how do you expect to grow in college?"
thanks for your time! you're soo helpful! i'm rewriting my previous essay now!


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