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the FARTING ESSAY: my original common app essay



TC3 4 / 36  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
This is for the common application topic of choice. Need to shorten about 150words. any suggestions? I was going for originality. Would this work for common app? im applying to ivy leagues. i need grammar checks too please! i have horrible grammar

ps: i would be sure to read yours if you read mine. thanks!

According to a random "scientific" site I found online after googling "farting statistics," an average person passes gas fourteen times daily. Fourteen times! I have been with a person (like a friend) the whole day (hangouts during the day and sleepovers at night), and I do not think I heard my friend fart once. Which leads me to wonder, did that person go to the bathroom to secretly fart fourteen times or did he or she fart fourteen times while we were sleeping in the same room?

Maybe that random "scientific" site is not so accurate, but from my personal experience, farting fourteen times a day sounds pretty on target. Maybe that's because I try to be a good child and eat my veggies, gulping down my daily (and sometimes extra) doses of cauliflower, corn, and beans, all which have been notorious for their fart-producing power. So probably I'm supposed to fart more than the average fourteen times, but I don't. I would think I even farted less than fourteen times a day sometimes. Why? Because like most people, I didn't fart in public. I found it one of the most embarrassing things a human could possibly do in society.

Constantly restraining from farting around others had been troublesome for me I admit, especially when I am almost always around people. Not only has the restraint caused me stress, but also lead me to suffer anxiety. I don't mean to cause embarrassment for anyone by talking about this personal issue, but I think the idea provides a good lesson. Why do people get embarrassed and make it harder for themselves (like in the case of farting) when they know everybody else in the world does such biological necessities?

Unlike many self-conscious people in the world, my mother farts whenever she pleases. You wouldn't expect her to fart either. A clean well-dressed middle-aged woman with minor visages of makeup, my mother looks like every other well-mannered average citizen of a respectable state. Yet, she farts. She did not release those tiny farts that no animal or person would hear either, she lets out those loud, flatulence-filled, big bang sort of farts that everyone would hear. When I was young, I hated standing next to my mother while we stood in the grocery line waiting to buy groceries. I remember every time she would give a big gurglemeister, all the people in line would turn to look down at me because they thought I, a child with messy looking hair and spotted overalls, not my mother, a well-mannered average citizen of a respectable citizen, would perform such a social atrocity. My face would heat up in embarrassment, and after my mother and I would leave the store, I would always get angry at her for farting because I myself, tried so hard not to fart in public.

Now, after all those days surviving anxiety attacks, I concluded that restraining from farting was not worth all the trouble. It was like trying to hide a big part of who I am - human. My wise mom always said that every human farts, so who would blame her for farting. Before, I always said I would blame her, but now I understand I shouldn't since I do it too.

Unfortunately, I would imagine that there are a lot more other people in the world that went through similar situations like me, so I would like to help society rid these ridiculous social embarrassments. I want to help people be comfortable with who they are. People should be free to fart, pick their noses, sing their hearts out, and wax their ears if they need to. Doing those things is not too harmful to society, and it's good for the person. Why not do those things for your own personal benefit? Maybe society doesn't accept these obvious human needs in public since our leaders don't do them. I have never seen Bush or Obama fart or pick their noses in public. Someone has to take that extra step and do what other people have not yet discovered the courage to do. I want to be that someone. So I urge you to give it a try now, and let the next person take a whiff of your true smell from the inside.

JunieGe 1 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
hahaha i loved this essay, definitely original. maybe talk about how your mom's example led you to believe that defying normal societal customs can be liberating and empowering.
AIRanimechiic 2 / 22  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
no offense... um comedy doesn'talways work with essays. especially if it ends up offending the admissions officers. its like that kid who had straight A's, great SAT scores, tons of AP classes, class president, had "the works", but then screwed it up when he wrote an essay about condoms. talking about farting says nothing about you and how you relate to academics and a person, etc.

if you're trying to write a original funny essay, how about writing about an funny experience you had with your friend and how that uhhh inspired or what-not you?

i like your last paragraph tho
starlight - / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
"when they know everybody else in the world does such biological necessities ?"-rephrase.

And how do you "wax your ears"?

Overall, Risky...

What does this essay explain about you? What is the point..I'm kinda lost. Seems more like an SNL skit to me.
OP TC3 4 / 36  
Dec 29, 2009   #6
to theresa- so do you think i should try to minimize the offending and say that people should fart, rather than have to?

and am i talking anough about myself in this essay?

to starlight- im trying to say that i want to help people be themselves (and that i want to be a leader sort of)

thank you all!
lekha /  
Dec 29, 2009   #7
I love the essay, it definitely entertained me - butt do you think such a topic is appropriate for an admissions essay? IDK, that's just my opinion - just check w/ other n get their thoughts on this n use ur guts to decide whether u want this to be ur college essay or not. Make your decision based on whether this essay expresses you and who you are.
OP TC3 4 / 36  
Dec 29, 2009   #8
yeah ithought this essay would be real risky but my other option would be an essay aboutmy culture, which i found real cliche.

do people get my point of the essay that i want to be a leader and helper of people to be more like their true selves? i was trying to get to that point...
bonitachica 1 / 12  
Dec 29, 2009   #9
Hi-

I agree with some of the other posts, this does not seem quite appriorate for a college essay, and are you just trying to say you will be the person who farts in the middle of class and not be ashamed? I think it is very risky, and is not the best choice for a college essay.
IvanD 3 / 6  
Dec 30, 2009   #10
I agree with most of the comments that this is risky.

Some will like it, some will hate it. I see where you are coming from and I love how you have managed to tie it back to how it changed you as a person in the last paragraph.

Not too sure about the topic to be honest, quite risky and to be frank I cringed a little when reading your essay.

Have a think about changing the topic... because common apps are the first things they read before they will read your supplements, if they don't like your common app...

Hope that helped,

Could you please have a read at mine?
autogunny 3 / 69  
Dec 30, 2009   #11
Wow. This was interesting... Fourteen times a day huh? That sounds right on target for me as well.

I think this essay can work but I would avoid writing in a "normal" voice like you are writing right now. The juxtaposition of a weird topic(farting) to a prim and proper voice will make your essay be memorable to the adcoms. I think if you really spoke about farting with a prim and proper voice, this essay will actually work FOR YOU.

Adcoms are looking to see your personality and your writing style. If you can prove that you are in fact an intelligent person doing an expose on farting, it can work for you. Right now, you just sound like an Average Joe talking about farting because you think it will make you famous in the adcom office. You need to talk prim and proper.

Can you check out my essay?


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