the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, your reason for choosing FIDM

Please Help with my FIDM Essay

Every kid had dreams of becoming something extraordinary: doctor; lawyer; chief executive officer... I was one of them. Dreaming to create and improve the future. For me, tomorrow is the future. I would always be fascinated with the decorative and colorful advertisements lining the metro station walls; the endless commercials broadcasting on television; and the intense to become the next Times Square billboard. I was that one and only kid who noticed the footnotes at the bottom of each ad.

It wasn't until after my internship with Sony Electronics that I realized how much I had already dedicated my life to Marketing and Industrial Design. During the six-week with a requested extra seventh week internship, I was able to provide a variety of ideas for their future products (but I cannot leak information due to contract regulations), many of which they had approved and incorporated into their plans. Even after this experience, I still have doubts about what I am going to do with my future. At this time, the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising contacted me and offered opportunities that I couldn't bear to decline, opening an entire new gateway to my dreams. It was then, I knew: FIDM was the place for me.

With over 40,000 happy and successful graduate alumni, FIDM guarantees its solid foundation; but it is not the history that matters much to me. It is the structure that stands out the most. FIDM offers a premium hands-on experience and higher education in the modern real world that is unavailable at many other prestigious universities. Students are allowed to freely explore their broad areas of their interests. With many more opportunities waiting for me, FIDM is an institution of higher education that created a new path for my future. Ex-CEO of Sony Electronics once said: "Don't chase money; follow your dreams and money will chase after you." FIDM enables me to do just that.

great essay and great organization!

Maybe adjust this?

With over 40,000 happy and successful graduate alumni, FIDM guarantees its solid foundation.

the "its foundation" part doesn't make sense...

You Are THE BEST rayban11!!!

but can you help me with my 2nd questions too????... i'm sry :(
2. Write an easy containing answers to the following:
What appeals to you about this major? What are your goals and aspirations upon graduation from FIDM?
-my major will be Graphic Design, which leads to Marketing-

Throughout my life, I have always had a major interest in marketing and graphic design, creating my own products with my imaginary ideas and features. Every time my friends and I visited an electronic store, there would always be a product that caught my attention. Whether it be fashionable shoes or brilliant HD cinematic entertainment systems, even though I could not afford many of them, I would always want that particular product to gain more popularity. Dissatisfied with the company's misleading commercials, I would always figure out an alternative way to fix their advertisements and retail display, showcasing the product's true powers and abilities in order to attract the targeted consumer's attention.

Wishing everyone to have the best of the best is my lifelong dream and dedication. However, many companies never entirely display the hidden features and enhancements that make their products stand out from other electronics. What garners consumers' interests is not the product's inner beauty, but rather what is being exhibited on the mega commercial billboard at Times Square instead. Therefore, after earning my diploma from FIDM, my major in marketing and graphic design will allow me to freely explore advertisement's versatile culture and provide me a solid foundation to pave a road into the competitive marketing industry. To propel smaller, unnoticed companies' brilliantly designed products into the spotlight they deserve, as a dreamer, I will make best use of my talents and abilities as a stepping stone in starting a fresh new chapter of their soon-to-be successful future.

Is that the only way to be extraordinary? I had better get to work learning medicine...

This is a great piece of writing.

Here is an error:
...opening an entirely new gateway to my dreams.

Dissatisfied with the company's misleading and ineffective commercials, I would always figure out an alternative way ...---- just an idea.

Wishing everyone to have the best of the best is my lifelong dream and dedication. nope. Look at this sentence again. I think you can do better.

This is very good, but it has too many words:
To propel smaller, unnoticed companies' brilliantly designed products into the spotlight they deserve, as a dreamer I will make best use of my talents and abilities as a stepping stone in starting a fresh new chapter of their soon-to-be contribute to their successful future.

I am impressed! Please use your great writing ability to help other people here at EF.

:-) essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

EF_Kevin
OMG Thankyou SOO MUCH Kevin!!!

i'm sorry, i didn't post 2 more edits, because my paper is due today.
don't worry, i will help others :D

Thankyou Kevin!