When my father was arrested by immigration I saw an opportunity to help him by learning about law

If I could get some advice on this essay it would be appreciated. Also if you guys think its a good idea to just use this essay for all the questions in regards to why I want to be a lawyer. If you guys can also give a quick look at my Common app personal statement and give me advice on that I would really appreciate it

Essay: When my father was arrested by immigration I saw an opportunity to help him by learning about law. I sat in front of my computer, and began a journey that has led me to where I am today. As I learned about law I fell in love with its intricate system. It was a puzzle, and each piece had purpose. I loved the way the attorney stood on the side of anybody in need. I was amazed by the way prosecution fought to stop those that did wrong, and appreciated the way the judge maintained order on a war over someone's life. Most importantly the more I learned about law the more I learned how I can change the world with it. It didn't matter what piece of the puzzle I joined because law was always an instrument for change, and that is what draws me to it the most.

I like this response a lot! The only thing I really noticed was tense. Just make sure you use the same tense all throughout. For example, I would recommend that your last sentence end in " and that was what drew me to it most." also, instead of saying "what piece of the puzzle I joined" I would say "which piece of the puzzle I became" but I wish you the best! :)

This essay is really good! I just noticed grammatical error: "arrested by immigration" does not completely make sense. Maybe something like, "arrested for entering the country without proper documentation" or just "for being an undocumented/illegal immigrant"