[Personal Statement GKS-U] First essay
Hi, I'm Carla. I will be applying for GKS Undergraduate in this year. This is my first time writing personal statement, kindly share you feedback if any. Thank you
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
"People who are knowledgeable and civilized will not stay in their hometown. Leave your country and migrate to other countries. Going away, you will get services from relatives and friends. Get tired, feel the sweetness of life after struggling"-Imam Syafi'i.
Three years ago, I saw someone write that sentence on social media that made me dream of studying abroad. Three years ago, I watched a video on YouTube about KGSP made by Ms. Alira Vania Putri Dwipayana, BBA. (KGSP-U 2015 from Indonesia). Three years ago, I sat in front of the laptop, looking for more about South Korea's education system and KGSP on the internet. Three years ago, I started dreaming of studying in South Korea on a GKS scholarship.
It is not easy to aspire to continue my education up to the tertiary level, especially to study abroad. There are many challenges that I have to face. I feel bored hearing other people's comments saying that I will not achieve my dream. "Even studying in Indonesia is difficult? Why make it difficult for yourself to study in someone else's country?" Not to mention the comment that women do not need high school, because, after marriage, they will become housewives. "It's useless to go to college, it only costs money, time and energy," they said.
Yes, I grew up in that environment. I don't want to bother. I just want to change my life and my family. I want to open a path for juniors who want to continue their education abroad. I want to prove that Madrasah/Santri graduates can only continue their education in Central Asia countries. We also deserve to study in developed countries in the East Asian region. Even though the continents of America and Europe.
I was born to be the first daughter to live in a harmonious family consisting of a father, mother, and one younger brother who is currently attending junior high school. My father worked as an employee at a convenience store. Meanwhile, my mother decided to become a housewife after I was born. My father and mother were only able to study up to the senior high school level because of limited costs. They could not continue their education up to the tertiary level. Therefore, they want their children to be able to take the highest education possible.
Education is one of the essential things in my life. Getting the opportunity to continue education to the tertiary level is something I am very grateful for it. I consider that it is a privilege that not everyone can have. In the neighborhood where I live, for example, very few continue their education to college. After graduating from high school, they have to work to help support the family economy. I know that studying abroad or in Indonesia costs much money, and I also know that my parents cannot pay the fees. Nevertheless, that is not an obstacle for me because many scholarships can be obtained to make my dreams come true.
In the extended family environment (father's side), only one male has successfully obtained a Bachelor's degree, and two men have received an Associate degree. In the extended family environment (the mother's side), no one has been able to take education up to university. Therefore, if I pass the GKS selection and have the right to fly to South Korea to continue my education, I will be the first woman in the extended family to continue studying at university.
Since I was in elementary school to high school, I have always attended public schools. The reason is that I don't want to burden my parents with expensive tuition fees if I have to go to private schools. I had to study hard and keep my grades up so that I could continue in school. Not only education, for me, but the educational environment is also essential as a place to grow and develop.
When I was in grade II elementary school, my parents decided to move me to an elementary school in South Jakarta. The reason is so that I can be independent and get better access to education. The competitive school environment makes me want to continue learning and get maximum grades. After graduating from elementary school, I continued to a junior high school located in Depok. But it only lasted one semester. After that, I decided to move to a Junior High School located in South Jakarta. The reason is that I am used to school distances from home and a competitive environment. Two things I did not get from the previous school. I don't regret my decision to change schools. Maybe if I hadn't moved schools at that time, I wouldn't have spoken English. When I entered Senior High School, I decided to continue to Islamic Religion-based Senior High School (Madrasah Aliyah). Because parents and teachers have advised that we must balance the world knowledge and the afterlife knowledge, I can only get these two things if I go to Madrasah.
The most significant risk I took in my life was three years ago when I wanted to enter High School. I enrolled in 7 different schools; 2 of the seven schools I registered accepted me. The most significant decision was mine. My parents will support and finance whatever school I will choose. Furthermore, in the end, I chose MAN 11 Jakarta to complete 12 years of compulsory education. I do not regret the decisions I have made, even though I had to face many difficult things. The most outstanding achievement when the school is ranked 10 (for all subjects) and rank 5 for subjects (for subjects Indonesian, English, Mathematics, Economics, Geography, and Sociology). As well as having the opportunity to do research.
Ms. Alira Vania Putri Dwipayana, BBA. (KGSP-U 2015 from Indonesia), The person I mentioned above is one of my many idols. I was delighted when she talked on the blog/Twitter / Instagram / webinar about South Korea-starting from how prestigious SKY Universities are in South Korean people's eyes. About Korea University alumni are the three most famous associations in Korea besides Marine and the Gwangju community. About how the culture of working in Korean companies is to travel to 50 countries without asking parents for money. I learned many new things from Ms. Alira.
When I was in grade II of Junior High School, I served as Secretary of the Student Council. I will never forget an opportunity in my life because by joining the Student Council, I can meet future Indonesian leaders. Besides, I also learned how to express opinions, listen to and accept others' opinions, and work in groups. When I was in High School, I decided to join the extracurricular band and served as secretary. Singing and organizing are two things that I love. When I can get together and sing along with them, it can help me get tired after studying.
Apart from joining the extracurricular band, since I was in junior high school and high school, I worked with other people and individuals to host events and news. Usually, I host the annual school activities, such as performing arts, school birthday parties, etc. This is closely related to the major I will take later, namely "Media and Communication."Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The motivation factor being referred to in this case is not your motivation to study in Korea. Rather, it is a your career motivation that led you to decide that Korea is the best place for you to pursue your masters course. The motivation should answer the question "Why Korea instead of Indonesia for your masters studies?" So the quote that you used at the start is irrelevant. Personal statement should rely solely on your own words to describe your responses. The quote is not appropriate as a motivational statement because it does not ask you why you want to go to Korea to study but rather, what motivates you to study the masters course in Korea. The keyword is "program". The program is the masters course.
You are over focused on the GKS alumna and how you inspired your decision to study in Korea. However, her inspiration does not relate back to a career inspiration or something relevant. the inspiration and role model should again, be related to the reason why you want to become a better professional through the help of the GKS, it is not about going to Korea simply for the life experience and social development, which is what is starting to become the prominent aspect of this personal statement.
The overall presentation is incomplete when you compare it to the prompt requirements. Perhaps because you did not truly understand the requirements for the response. You created an extremely wordy essay that focused on something you mentally set as the central discussion point of your essay rather than considering the individual responses to required information. Based on this presentation, you will not qualify beyond the 1st consideration round.
