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'Film and movie industry' - Short answer essay response


xbloodystarx 2 / 2  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Please help. Any help is appreciated

Movies have always had this way of drawing me in as if I was a part in the story. The way films unfolded always captured my imagination and has now led me to want a career in the film industry. But knowing the difficulties of establishing myself as a respected screenwriter or director has made me doubt my abilities in film production. It wasn't until I joined my school's video production club, which made me realize I can work in the film industry and someday write or direct great films. Although I joined the club a few months ago with no basic knowledge of film production, I've already established myself as a leader when it comes to filming projects for the club. With every scene I shoot; I learn more about myself, my abilities, and what it takes to work in the industry. This club has given me the confidence to enter this industry without doubts.

cordyceps 3 / 11  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
Here are some of my suggestions

It wasn't until I joined my school's video production club, which made me realize I can work in the film industry and someday write or direct great films.

It wasn't until I joined my school's video production club that I realized my potentials in the film industry...

I would try to rewrite the first two sentences, and somehow combine them into just one. Also try not to start a sentence with "but". Maybe it could be like this. "Knowing the difficulties of establishing..., however, has made me doubt..."

Also try to work on the conclusion/last sentence. The club has given you the confidence to embark on this career path. You're not, I assume, ready to "enter the industry" yet. If you were, you wouldn't be applying for college now.

That's what I think, and good luck to wherever you're applying too :)


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