(financial aid awarded by the college to foreign students) U of Chicago supplement

Any criticism and corrections would be appreciated.

One of the various factors and the most important of all that affects my choice of colleges is the financial aid awarded by the college to international students.

Having searched for colleges that offer full financial aid package to International students, all the results yielded were 6 colleges all of which are Ivy leagues , however I wasn't comfortable with idea of being limited and restricted to only Ivy leagues.

However a new door was opened when I stumbled upon and found out about University of Chicago, a non-ivy league school but an equal match to what I would call an Ivy-league. Then it dawned on me that I didn't just stumble upon the discovery of University of Chicago. It is an opening to new opportunities in addition to its generous financial aid policy.

One of the various factors, and the most important of all,which affects my choice of colleges is the financial aid awarded by the college to international students.

Having searched for colleges that offer a full financial aid package to International students, all the results yielded were 6 colleges, all of which are Ivy leagues, however I wasn't comfortable with idea of being limited and restricted to only Ivy league colleges .

However, a new door was opened when I stumbled upon and found out about University of Chicago,...

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Rechy
"One of the various factors and the most important of all that affects my choices of colleges is the financial aid awards. awardedaward by the college to international students.

To be honest. The essay doesn't seem to be very strong just by reading this sentence. Even though, I am not a good writer myself. I can tell that this is weak. I corrected some mistake and change some words usage up. I suggest to add more information. I don't think you should say financial aid award is an important factor of college. Instead you should add things that you think is important to go to college. Saying something about money is very unattractive.

Kind Regards

Although your response is very frank, I don't think the answer in itself would catch the attention of the adcoms. Maybe you should try explaining WHY financial aid is such a concern to you--family hardships?

Thanks Susan for the correction. Tmiplease i guess i'm just going to drop University of Chicago off the list, because that fact that it's the only non-Ivy league school that offers a full financial aid package to international students, is the only reason I added it to my college list.