Hey, I would really appreciate it if anyone could skim through my essay for any errors, or give me some recommendations, etc. I am applying as a transfer student to the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign's Business school. I don't know anybody who can look over my essay at my current school, so I came here :). Here are the essay's guidelines:
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
While review of your academic qualifications is of major focus, the two essays you complete in the application offer a better indication of why you want to study business at the University of Illinois and the goals you have for your future. Your statements should include:
* Interest or experience in business
* Employment or volunteer activities
* State or national recognition for talent, creative ability, leadership, or academic achievement
* An ethnic or cultural background or an age group that will add diversity to this campus
* Extenuating circumstances that significantly affected an otherwise exceptionally good academic record
* Any other information that you feel would complete your profile
This past year has been full of changes; changes in my life, in my plan for the future, and perhaps most significantly, changes in my very self. Upon graduating from high school, I began to really think about what my priorities were in life. I was now entering a stage of life that would determine my entire future; college. Never before have I had such a burning desire to achieve academically. Academics quickly became my number one priority in life. Since I was a child, I've been interested in business. My uncle is an entrepreneur, and I frequently translate the emails from his clients in Germany. I've had an in depth look at how his business functions, and I must say that I love it. My dream is to follow the footsteps of my uncle and become the owner of a successful business. The single most important factor needed to attain my dreams and desires is an exceptional education. However, Illinois State University is not what I had expected it to be. Simply put, students do not have such strong desires or motivations as I do. I want to study at a university with students just like myself: intelligent, bright, goal driven, and diverse. I am currently majoring in International Business and German at Illinois State University, and have been to Germany several times. I would definitely add to the diversity of the student body considering that my family is of German descent and I am fluent in the language. The recent changes in my life and values can be seen on my excellent college record, and I would continue to succeed academically at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign. Nothing would make me prouder than succeeding at a university that both my uncle and grandfather attended.
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
While review of your academic qualifications is of major focus, the two essays you complete in the application offer a better indication of why you want to study business at the University of Illinois and the goals you have for your future. Your statements should include:
* Interest or experience in business
* Employment or volunteer activities
* State or national recognition for talent, creative ability, leadership, or academic achievement
* An ethnic or cultural background or an age group that will add diversity to this campus
* Extenuating circumstances that significantly affected an otherwise exceptionally good academic record
* Any other information that you feel would complete your profile
This past year has been full of changes; changes in my life, in my plan for the future, and perhaps most significantly, changes in my very self. Upon graduating from high school, I began to really think about what my priorities were in life. I was now entering a stage of life that would determine my entire future; college. Never before have I had such a burning desire to achieve academically. Academics quickly became my number one priority in life. Since I was a child, I've been interested in business. My uncle is an entrepreneur, and I frequently translate the emails from his clients in Germany. I've had an in depth look at how his business functions, and I must say that I love it. My dream is to follow the footsteps of my uncle and become the owner of a successful business. The single most important factor needed to attain my dreams and desires is an exceptional education. However, Illinois State University is not what I had expected it to be. Simply put, students do not have such strong desires or motivations as I do. I want to study at a university with students just like myself: intelligent, bright, goal driven, and diverse. I am currently majoring in International Business and German at Illinois State University, and have been to Germany several times. I would definitely add to the diversity of the student body considering that my family is of German descent and I am fluent in the language. The recent changes in my life and values can be seen on my excellent college record, and I would continue to succeed academically at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign. Nothing would make me prouder than succeeding at a university that both my uncle and grandfather attended.
