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Georgia Tech is leadership, progress and service - successfully demonstrated this motto it my life

jhayea 1 / 1  
Feb 27, 2016   #1
I have trouble organizing my ideas I have been told to separate by paragraphs how ever some of my sentences are for more than one topic out of the three I have 1900 characters and my max is 2000

Any advice or comments will be good

The past three years have been a challenge for me due to financial circumstances leading to a full-time job. This made it nearly impossible to go to school. During this time I was working full-time for a call center company while attending automotive technology school. Halfway through the automotive program and after gaining some experience, I applied for a job that would further enhance my career. I began working as a full-time service technician for Rick Case Hyundai. Working for Hyundai allowed me to apply the skills that I gained at school. I advanced in my position and started training newly hired employees. Performing my job in an ethical manner has helped me developed trust, not only among my supervisors, but also among the customers who specifically request me by name when bringing in their vehicles. Upon graduating from automotive school, I was ready to continue my education. I returned to school for my Associate's degree in order to be able to transfer for my Bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering. In my personal life, I am someone who likes to help others. I always give advice and encourage them to succeed. Giving ideas of how to overcome their situation based on what I am doing to overcome mines. To this day, I have been working and studying full time in order to attain my goals and uphold my responsibilities. Successfully balancing my life, school and work has greatly influenced my ability to be a successful leader in my life, school and especially at work. The desire to further my education and goals has shown me that progress is always possible, no matter how challenging. Additionally, using my life scenarios and work ethics to help other has in way fulfilled service. In the past three years and in my overall life I feel that I have successfully demonstrated Georgia Tech's motto of leadership, progress and service in my personal and professional life.
Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 27, 2016   #2
Hi, jhayea,

I read your paragraph, and here are some suggestions:

This one paragraph contains your working experiences, your desire to contimue study, your fitting in the school's spirit. Since I cannot see your whole essay, I suggest you to make efforts to separate this paragraph and combine those parts with your other paragraphs.

And the conclusion, it need to be strengthened. I think the college may want students to be confident and bold. So just give it a conspicuous position in your essay. Don't put it at the end of a large paragraph, then it will be ignored. Start a new paragraph to strike your interviewers.

Wish you success!

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