Prompt: Georgia Tech's motto is: "Progress and Service." What does that mean to you? (Max 150)
While helping at my parents' restaurant and volunteering at local organization that fights against hunger, I experience the true value of service. It is serving to others that give me a better understanding of our people, our society, and our world as I embrace people with open heart and human warmth.
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150 words is not a lot so I suggest you get straight to the relationship between service and progress at the start of your essay. That relationship appears to be the main idea in your essay ("Without service, progress is meaningless" and "service is the motivation of our willingness to progress") but your first line only addresses service without mentioning progress. Other than that just some grammatical errors to edit, for example "It is serving others that gives me a better understanding...".
Also, it would be nice if you could take a look at my essay too!
What about now? I am not a native English speaker, so can you point out where else I made a grammatical mistake?
Without service, progress is meaningless: whether we are searching for a new drug to treat a disease or improving technology to bring more satisfaction, we are always in the mind of making this world a better and happier place. While helping at my parents' restaurant and volunteering at local organization that fights against hunger, I progress greatly by learning new skills, discovering new layers of myself, and recognizing my potential and influence on others. It is serving others that evokes a sense of gratitude and appreciation within me and gives me a better understanding of our people, our society, and our world as I embrace everyone with open heart and human warmth. No matter whom I work with, I always find that they have new ways of thinking that can broaden my horizons. Therefore, I believe that service is the motivation of our willingness to progress and to succeed.
It looks better now. Just one thing: you mentioned that service people are in the mind of making the world a better place through service, but later in the essay you mentioned how you have gained an open heart and warmth etc. How do your personal achievements/improvements contribute to progress in the world? That might be something worth considering.
