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From Germany to Florida - UBC Personal Profile: "Tell us about who you are..."

tararanganatha 1 / 1  
Dec 7, 2019   #1
This is what I have so far for the first question on the UBC Personal Profile. I´m not sure if this is good. It´s hard to squeeze in all the things I would like them to know about me in 250 words. Any feedback is appreciated.

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.

My identity is a product of moving across four continents and attempting to adapt to different cultures and languages.

When I moved from Germany to Florida, I had to give up my horse-riding lessons at the farm next door, but invested my efforts into the Drama Club at my new school instead. The leadership skills I picked up as Junior Thespian President, I then applied during my time in Chile. When the rug was pulled out from under me, I learned to optimize my strengths and create opportunities for myself.

My move to Santiago was the most challenging. I had to learn Spanish while studying at a school where I could not understand the content taught in class, nor communicate with my teachers. I joined intensive courses and studied most of my subjects independently. My transcripts show my progress. What the numbers can only imply is the work ethic I developed, and the ownership I learned to take over my education.

It was challenging to create spaces for myself in this context. I grew the most when pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I improvised speeches in Spanish at school assemblies about my initiatives, knowing that many of my 500 classmates might make fun of my accent. I managed stressful situations, such as giving my Individual Oral Commentary while being evaluated alongside native speakers.

I became an independent learner and leader, and am confident that my perseverance, optimism, and strength will allow me to contribute to our global community.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 9, 2019   #2
Hi! Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback somehow helps you in your writing endeavors.

I appreciate the flow of your writing because it is indeed easy to follow. I do think, however, that you should have jumped in the writing in a more straightforward manner. Since the prompt is asking you a question, try to answer it by the very beginning of your writing - this is currently in your last sentence.

Afterward, you can start by dissecting the details value per value. This will make it a lot more organized. What you can do is follow the order of writing you have now with regard your moving history, and then try to incorporate the values in each specific location.
OP tararanganatha 1 / 1  
Dec 16, 2019   #3
Thank you! This is really helpful.

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