A revision on my old essay topic, I would really like feedback, revisions, and a way to end it! I added material from my old essay but hopefully this is more interesting?? If you didn't know me what would you think about me?
Promt: By the end of the college application process, you will have probably written dozens of essays and responded to a multitude of questions. Use this opportunity to try something new.
I rip open the shiny plastic to reveal the creamy chocolate underneath. To my surprise there was another layer, of shiny gold. I pull out the shimmery paper and realize I have won: a golden ticket to any university of my choice! I cannot believe it, but now I have an important decision to make, what university should I choose? I have spent the last four years researching hundreds of universities, but none of them quite compare to Notre Dame. I can hardly contain myself, after all these years I finally get to go to my dream university. It would be a big change going from this Arizona heat to the cold winters up in Indiana, but I was ready to face the challenges ahead...or so I thought. I started to fear I will not fit in, after all I was not the valedictorian or athletic all-star who made the winning goal. I was not homecoming queen the popular cheerleader everyone wanted to be. I was not a national merit scholar, the greatest writer, or the best at history. I started to reconsider if Notre Dame would even want me. Then I realized, Notre Dame is much more than just test scores and grades.
Promt: By the end of the college application process, you will have probably written dozens of essays and responded to a multitude of questions. Use this opportunity to try something new.
I rip open the shiny plastic to reveal the creamy chocolate underneath. To my surprise there was another layer, of shiny gold. I pull out the shimmery paper and realize I have won: a golden ticket to any university of my choice! I cannot believe it, but now I have an important decision to make, what university should I choose? I have spent the last four years researching hundreds of universities, but none of them quite compare to Notre Dame. I can hardly contain myself, after all these years I finally get to go to my dream university. It would be a big change going from this Arizona heat to the cold winters up in Indiana, but I was ready to face the challenges ahead...or so I thought. I started to fear I will not fit in, after all I was not the valedictorian or athletic all-star who made the winning goal. I was not homecoming queen the popular cheerleader everyone wanted to be. I was not a national merit scholar, the greatest writer, or the best at history. I started to reconsider if Notre Dame would even want me. Then I realized, Notre Dame is much more than just test scores and grades.