When I was young I never contemplated what it would be like to go to college. I wanted to be a fireman or police officer just like everyone else. As I grew older I thought about it more and more. By the time I was in eleventh grade I decided I wanted to do something in the computer field. I have always been good with Electronics. So I decided to enroll at Community college of Vermont for my first year. My major there was Graphic Design, I liked the things I did there but I wasn't passionate about Graphic design. I would consider the degree later in life but it wasn't for me. Then I went too Johnson State college. There I got some general electives out of the way. Johnson was small and there where almost no people there. I had no connection to anyone but my teachers. Johnson was a good school but it couldn't provide me with what I needed. What I needed is a better school with the classes in the field I want which drawn me to your school. Your University is bigger and it is in a city where there are plenty of things to do. There are also more people I could relate with there because it I would be in the field of my choosing. The other schools I went too where minute where as yours is sizable. I also want the on campus experience. I hope to get into the field I want and ace my way through it. If I had to spend the next four years there I would. I looked at the campus activities and there are plenty I could choose from. It will be magnificent to be there In Fall of 2011.
"From graphic design to electronics; need a better school" - reasons for transferring
"When I was young I never contemplated what it would be like to go to college. I wanted to be a fireman or police officer just like everyone else. As I grew older I thought about it more and more. By the time I was in eleventh grade I decided I wanted to do something in the computer field. I have always been good with Electronics. "
-This whole first piece is stale and sounds very cliché.
Then I wenttoo to Johnson State college
Johnson was small and therewhere were almost no people there.
What I needed is a better school with the classes in the field that I want. This has which drawn me to your school. (Put in the college's name)
There are also more people I could relate with there becauseit I would be in the field...
The other schools I wenttoo where to wereminute where as yours is sizable . Did you use a thesaurus? Change "minute" and "sizable."
-This whole first piece is stale and sounds very cliché.
Then I went
Johnson was small and there
There are also more people I could relate with there because
The other schools I went
thank you for your help. Also this is for common app so it is going to multiple schools.