Grinnell, new nickname, Loxodonta africana and New Deal

hey just take a look at my essay. 'brutal' critique is welcomed!

if you revise mine I'll take a look at yours in return :)

promt:
For much of its history the spirit of Grinnell College has been symbolized by the nickname 'Pioneers.' If the College were to retire the 'Pioneers' moniker, what would you recommend to replace it? In your answer, reflect on the history, current environment, and/or core principles of Grinnell College as you understand them, and explain your choice.

essay:
I would recommend replacing it with a resistant, majestic animal that stands out from the rest. Through its tough body and character, it makes an impact on everything that surrounds it. It also shows a great concern towards others which is shown with its group-style living. I would replace the 'Pioneers' moniker with an African Bush Mammoth (Loxodonta africana). All characteristics of the Loxodonta africana are also shown by Grinnell. In the early hours of Grinnell, the college had to experience a lot of setbacks, but it didn't give up. Those setbacks were seen and used as opportunities to improve Grinnell. This led to its outstanding academic programs, the beautiful campus and the wealth of opportunities for students. Grinnell and its education always made a difference - socially and economically. The biggest social impact to the college had the admission of women as candidates of a degree. It advanced the diversity of Grinnell and it had a lasting impact on the future of the admitted women and their surroundings. Grinnell graduates had also a big influence during the time of Franklin D. Roosevelt's New Deal as they were high administrators. But what really makes Grinnell a special place is its community. It is not a loose partnership of convenience - it is a family and Grinnell is their home.

Hi, I'm also applying to Grinnell by the way. :-)
I like your idea of the bush mammoth! It sounds original, wish I had something as catchy as that. A few suggestions:


Hours should be times here.


A little description of what kind of opportunities are offered would be nice.

Hmm, I'd also suggest you try tying things back to the Loxodonta africana at the end.
Good luck!