'What do you want to be when you grow up?' - Yale supplementary essay

I wrote a draft for the supplementary essay for Yale where I get to write about anything that I wish to let the admission committee to know.

I wonder if it's good enough for Yale or still needs more substance or anything.

What do you want to be when you grow up? For me, that dream has always been to become a doctor.
But why? I'm lucky enough being born into a family of medical background. As a child I would simply say it was because I wanted to be like my father, whom I had looked up to all my life, because I admired the way he put his patients' mind at ease and treated them with his skilful hands.

But as I grow up, I know - far beyond a dream to follow my father's footsteps - I aspire to become a doctor to quench my thirst of knowledge inside.

Since I was little, curiosity, the yearning to know how everything in the world works, has always been my signature. At age 3, I would riddle my parents with questions like why 'the sun shines' 'oranges are orange'.

It soon turned out that my 'study' interests started inclining towards the human body and the mechanisms behind one of the greatest creations of nature. Knowing my father's profession, I would approach him to ask about it, about any insane thing a child's mind could wonder: how our eyes work, where our food goes or why we grow.

Getting to school, I study Human Biology in absolute fascination. For the first time in my life, I am captivated by the intricacy of our amazing system. It is far beyond anything that I could have imagined as a child. I learn, now, the beauty of the human body: every detail, down to each invisible molecule, that composes what we are, is there for a reason. I've realised ours are not simply individual organs stacked together. Rather, like a Swiss watch, our body is a sophisticated machine created with numerous seemingly separate components, working in incredible harmony, like tiny cogwheels, to bring about a functioning 'us'.

Nevertheless, delving into the depth of human biology, it appears to me that intricate as it might be, our body is also very fragile. Like how one rusted cogwheel can dismantle a watch, just one faulty component can disrupt our well-being. Unlike a watch though, this causes much more fear and the damage comes at a much greater price.

I have always thought I want to be a doctor. But now I utterly know for sure I want to be one. I want to see to the fullest details of how our body works. I yearn to know about what might go wrong in the beautiful yet delicate work of creation and learn about the cause of those diseases.

But more than anything, I yearn for the day I am able to treat them. Because I don't simply want to learn: I want to use my knowledge to save lives, to alleviate people's pain from both their mind and body, because being told by my father is not enough, because I want to be engrossed in the ineffable beauty of the human body, witnessing and conserving it myself.

Any suggestions would help immensely

Thank you very much.

What do you want to be when you grow up? For me, that dream has always been to become a doctor.I have always dreamed of becoming a doctor

But why? I'm lucky enough beingto be born born into a family ofwith a medical background. As a child, I would simply say it was because I wanted to be like my father, whom I had looked up to all my life, because I admired the way he put his patients' mind at ease and treated them with his skilful hands.

But as I grow up, I know - far beyond a dream to follow my father's footsteps - I aspire to become a doctor to quench my thirst of knowledge inside.

Since I was little, curiosity, the yearning to know how everything in the world works, has always been my signature. At age 3, I would riddle my parents with questions like why 'the sun shines' 'oranges are orange'.

It soon turned out that my 'study' interests started inclining towards the human body and the mechanisms behind one of the greatest creations of nature. Knowing my father's profession, I would approach him to ask about it, about any insanethingthings a child's mind could wonder: how our eyes work, where our food goes or why we grow.

Getting to school, I study Human Biology in absolute fascination. For the first time in my life, I am captivated by the intricacy of our amazing system. It is far beyond anything that I could have imagined as a child. I learn, now, the beauty of the human body: every detail, down to each invisible molecule, that composes what we are, is there for a reason. I've realised ours are not simply individual organs stacked together. Rather, like a Swiss watch, our body is a sophisticated machine created with numerous seemingly separate components, working in incredible harmony, like tiny cogwheels, to bring about a functioning 'us'.

Nevertheless, delving into the depth of human biology, it appears to me that intricate as it might be, our body is also very fragile. Like how one rusted cogwheel can dismantle a watch, just one faulty component can disrupt our well-being. Unlike a watch though, this causes much more fear and the damage comes at a much greater price.

I have always thought I want to be a doctor. But now I utterly know for sure I want to be one. I want to see to the fullest details of how our body works. I yearn to know about what might go wrong in the beautiful yet delicate work of creation and learn about the cause of those diseases.

But more than anything, I yearn for the day I am able to treat them. Because I don't simply want to learn: I want to use my knowledge to save lives, to alleviate people's pain from both their mind and body, because being told by my father is not enough, because I want to be engrossed in the ineffable beauty of the human body, witnessing and conserving it myself.

I think it is very good and I hope it helps.

Good luck ;)

What do you want to be in future? For me, I always had one static answer, "a Doctor".
But why?(I feel you should not repeat questions in your response)I'm lucky enough beingBeing born into a family of medical background,As a child I would simply say it was because I wanted to be likeandmy father being my idle and the best inspirationto whom I had looked up to all my life, because I admired the way he put his patients' mind at ease and treated them with his skilfulskillful hands.