"Growing up" - Computer Science UPENN SUPPLEMENT-WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPLORE

Considering both the specific undergraduate program to which you are applying and the wider Penn community, what academic, research and/or extracurricular activities do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

GROWING UP

Growing up, is like leaving a part of you that you once overestimated and starting a new chapter that even with your wildest dreams of success , is still an underestimation. A new world is born, a world possibly not realized until the decision to move is made; until one decides to walk to the edge of the cliff, jump and descend trusting that the wings will grow on their own. The University of Pennsylvania appears as such to me-a platform to grow.

I am leaning towards Computer science as my major. The Engineering Entrepreneurship course is of great interest to me, seeing as I one day plan to own a software company and believe the business skills would be essential, alongside my engineering skills.

Aside from that, the Rachleff Scholars program will give me the opportunity to learn from estimable research experiences, participate in scholarly community activities, and learn from my peers who share a passion in Engineering, as I do.

The Penn Research in Embedded Computing and Integrated Systems Engineering appeals to me as well: large scale projects, joint R&D activities with industry groups, and a senior design project I would work on, it all seems too good to be true!

I would also apply for the service learning study abroad opportunity. Penn Engineers without borders, appeals to me for its mission that works to enable sustainable development while enlightening and assisting the world as a community.

The summer opportunities abroad such as the International Summer programs offered caught my eye as well. I wish to study in Europe at one point during my stay at Penn, following my desire to finish learning the German language, therefore discovering the possibility excited me.

I would like to join sports like rowing or fencing that I did not have the opportunity of learning as I grew up. I would also like to join one of the nine Greek sororities at Penn, Model United Nations, the Big Brother Big Sister Mentorship program, the society of Women engineers, dance and yoga fitness programs, and so many more...

There is literally so much to choose from; I honestly get a bit dizzy pin pointing specific activities I would like to join, recognizing that my decision may change due to the fact that I may find another activity, program, or research opportunity that makes a better match with me, but for now and all I know about Upenn, this is my list.

There are so many ways for me to improve my abilities and contribute to the enhancement of the community I may soon call home. At this point, I am like a sculpture that is still being molded. I have not even begun to reach the person I know I can become, but I do know this university will shape me, to be an influential leader of society. It will bear a new world in me, a world I have surely not yet known of. Of one thing I am certain, the University of Pennsylvania, is where I want to grow.

Tell me what you think,

Thanks for checking my essay!
I think you started off REALLY well then just went on to make a long and tedious list. I presume what the people at Upenn want to read is a person that is sure about their future, goals, aspirations and plans.

Accordingly, I would put 'plan to study' instead of 'leaning towards', seems unsure.

You go on to list a sundry of activities without really delving into or showing your knowledge about any of them. It just seems superficial. You then go on to solidify your indecision by saying, "my decision may change..."

I think its better if you do a lot of research and find two or three programs and note how they will benefit you and you will benefit them. That'll probably work a lot better than a laundry list.

GOOD LUCK :D

Growing up, is like leaving a part of you that you once overestimated and starting a new chapter that even with your wildest dreams of success , is still an underestimation.

You could rephrase it as "The general perception of growing up - leaving a part of you that you once overestimated and starting a new chapter that even with your wildest dreams of success - is still an underestimation."

After that, it seems like you did a pretty good research on the programs and stuff, but you've just kind of listed all the good programs. I think you should, in some way, make the essay more personal. After reading the essay I felt like you were a Penn representative who was trying to tell me all the wonderful opportunities that Penn offers, and that I should apply to Penn. So I just think you should tell how you are going to utilize all these opportunities, and make your own life better.

Sorry for the criticism. I know there's just like one day left to turn in the app. I'm applying too, and am pretty nervous. Well, good luck!

P.S.: Check out my essays too, especially the Penn one, if you can.

Thank you, and your welcome..
Yes it did feel like that when I was writing it...I just wasn't sure how I could make a boring question into an interesting answer. Working on it though, will post it.

Glad I could help:)
And thank you for the criticism