2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate-and us-know you better.
"Hola! Me llamo Allison," or "Watashi wa Ally des dozo yoroshiku" when she enters our room. Roomy you will immediately see the eclectic nature of my personality. My side of the room will be combined with a spicy Latin ambiance punctuated with black and red lanterns, and tapestries from my host family in Kobe, Japan. Add my frog print bedspread from Costa Rica to complete the ambiance. I hope you will appreciate my international style and passion. Traveling, emerging myself in different cultures has influenced my life, and the trajectory of my education and life goals. Please be understanding and patient as you find me sorting through our trash, for I am passionate about the environment and will encourage other dorm-mates to be environmentally responsible. Burning the late night oil, is a given. But I promise to keep the lights and the music playing on my I-Pod speakers low if you need to sleep. I like to think of myself as respectful of others, and look for compromise or consensuses whenever possible in my relationships. My piles are organized and will be kept to my side of the room. When it comes to care packages from home I promise to share my mom's yummy chocolate chip cookies late at night as we encourage each other. We will need them while studying for exams, working on research papers, and dealing the challenges of being a freshman. My optimism is contagious. I view the world as a work in progress, and believe we each have an obligation to make things better. I was adopted from Peru, by a single mom, and recognize the opportunities that I have been given, so I plan to jump in with both feet and to make this an experience of a lifetime. Roomy, lets start the adventure together.
I like the life and color in this essay. If you've got space, add a few more details about yourself. The quality of the writing is good overall but of course not perfect. I challenge our nit-picking members (you know who you are) spot the errors.
Yeah, this essay does what it is supposed to. Try to avoid sentence fragments, though:
"Hola! Me llamo Allison," or "Watashi wa Ally des dozo yoroshiku" when she enters our room.
Add my frog print bedspread from Costa Rica to complete the ambiance.
Okay, the second one isn't really a fragment. It functions as a grammatically complete command, but doesn't really make sense. You, not your roommate, will be adding the frog print.
