Honors, fame, and glory. Who doesn't want it? - applying to Honor's College

So this is my essay applying to Honor's College. They asked me why I wanted to, and I couldn't just say "to put on my resume," because apparently that's too shallow. So I tried to write a good essay, but I'm not at all confident. You may notice that the part where it asks me why I wanted to go to Honor's College is a little short, possibly because, aside from fame and glory, I don't really have much of a reason. I feel because of my shallowness, this essay is a bit cold. Unemotional. No passion and such. I really hope someone have some sort of suggestion for me to buff it up, or at least to help me fine my voice. Any criticism is welcome, no matter how brutal. I'll take what I can get. Thanks.

Here's the Prompt:What does it mean to be an honors student? Why do you want to be in the Honors College? How do you envision applying the honors degree to your major?

The Essay:
An honor student, in my opinion, is neither about intellect nor grades. Instead, it is all about character. To an honor student "diligence," "integrity," and "determination" are not just idealistic word choices, but rather, they are the essential and rudimentary blocks upon which the "honor" is built. In fact, the purpose of having high grades while maintaining a heavy and advance workload serve to highlights these fundamental qualities. Also, an honor student need, to a certain extent, to develop and demonstrate certain leadership abilities. Due to the rigid nature of the advance workloads, an honor student must know how to, pardon the phrase, "work smarter, not harder." While hard work is great and should be widely encouraged, sometimes in order to resolve an obstacle or an assignment most effectively and efficiently, an astute student needs to be able to employ problem-solving skills and "thinking outside-the-box" as so that the most desirable solutions are achieved. Furthermore, an honor student, the pinnacle of character, must also help in being an example and leading their fellow peers toward the right path. This is accomplished by upholding and preserving certain moral and ethical standards, all the while maintaining an open mind with compassion and sympathy.

I want be in the Honors College because I would like to challenge myself. I want to be an honor student not just for the academic challenges, but also for the emotional and ethical challenges. I want to push myself to see if I can accomplished my goals and task, no matter how much or how difficult, without compromising my own characters and the characters worthy of an honor student. I also want to serve as a role model to other, by the examples and the action that I set. By seeing me persevere through tough and bittersweet times, I hope that my peers will be encouraged to focus and improve their academic and priorities, and ultimately their lives.

I major in the field of Business, a field that many people feels is ethically questionable. With the Honor's degree as a symbol of wisdom and character by my side, I am certain that I will be able to have confidence as well as the ethics to not only carries on, but also to be successful in the face of whatever comes my way in the venture of my major. Thus, I feel that with the help of the Honors College, I may push the boundaries of my limits and unleash my full potentials, for myself, for my friends, for my future, and for everything that I stand for.

The overall topic of the essay was great! Hope these few comments help!



The fluidity of these sentences are questionable and imply both singular and plural subjects.


This sentence seems to be a bit wordy. I like what you were getting at, but try to do so in fewer words.

Lastly, "I" seemed to be repetitive especially in the second paragraph.

Good luck in getting into Honors College!