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I hope to utilize what NYU's schools have to offer to find a future in advertising



guyunemployed 2 / 2  
Dec 27, 2014   #1
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?

What is so appealing about these Star Wars Lego commercials? Is it the humor? Is it the reenactment of the action scenes from the movie using mini-figures? These are the questions I would ask myself at age eight while watching television. Years later, I still analyze advertisements I see, asking myself, what makes these products or services so appealing? Is it the celebrity endorsement of Miranda Kerr wearing those sundresses? Is it the limited time period of the fifty percent off that induces urgency in the consumer? As I have grown, so have my curiosity and fascination of the multibillion dollar advertising industry.

Throughout High School, I have been active in promoting school events by: designing posters for school plays, and creating promotional videos for charity events, because I hope to find a future career in advertising. This is why Steinhardt's Media, Culture, and Communications undergraduate program sparked my interest, specifically the Persuasion and Politics, and Images and Screen Studies fields of study. With courses such as Advertising and Society, and Global Visual Culture, I will be able to hone techniques in the art of persuasion, communication, and media. I also plan to declare the cross-school minor of Business of Entertainment, Media and Technology between Stern and Steinhardt, so I can gain insight into the entertainment, media, and technology industries which would provide fantastic additional support to my intended fields of study. Additionally, I hope to take marketing classes at Stern, as marketing is an enormous aspect of advertising.

A major in media, culture, and communications requires the ability to acknowledge diversity, a quality of mine that has developed greatly from going to an international school in Hong Kong. Annual service and cultural school trips to countries like Thailand, China, and Turkey, and being an active member in clubs such as The Citizen's Foundation, which raises money to give Pakistani children an education, or Zonta Club, where I work with the less fortunate of Hong Kong, has allowed me to interact with people of diverse backgrounds, which in turn has given me a sense of appreciation for other cultures. I hope to expand on this in NYU by joining clubs such as Global Brigades at NYU, World Faith, however i will also join the TASS and HKSA, to stay true to my own culture.

I hope to utilize what NYU's schools have to offer to find a future in advertising, and where better to do it, than in the city home to Madison Avenue, the top global central hub for advertising.

krcheng 5 / 9  
Dec 27, 2014   #2
i think your essay is really well balanced between what NYU offers and what you offer NYU.

Annual service and cultural school trips to countries like Thailand, China...

this is a run on sentence. separate the sentence into two.
Also, I don't really see the relevance in saying that you're joining HKSA to stay true to your roots. How is that important? GOOD LUCK :D
adventoor 3 / 19  
Dec 27, 2014   #3
Okay, here are just some aspects I would fix to keep it more clear.

Is it the reenactment of the action scenes from the movie using mini-figures
these products or services
I would change 'or' to 'and'
I have been active in promoting school events by:
Colons have to follow independent clauses prior to beginning a list.

I like the essay overall. However, the spewing of facts just seems a bit researched right then and there. Good luck!
EmelyMorales 4 / 12  
Dec 29, 2014   #4
In comparison to the rest of your essay, I think your first paragraph is a little boring in comparison to the rest of your essay. I think it needs a little bit more of a hook, but maybe that is just me.

The rest is really good. You really seem to know what you are talking about and know about NYU. That is really good. That is something I seriously need to improve in mine, haha.


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