The intellectual, social and cultural differences... UMD College Park Undergrad

So I basically tried answering the question:

"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." - Aristotle

The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

BUT I got a little sidetracked and far too immersed in the idea I came up with. I am wondering what I can do with the essay I have written, and if there are any errors you think I should fix.

If you don't understand, I plan to do this:
5. Write your own question and respond to it. Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well. (Your question will not be included in the essay word count.)

You wake up, and find yourself locked in a room with seven other individuals. A television screen turns on, and a ghastly white faced puppet begins explaining the predicament you find yourself in. According to the video, you are in one of Jigsaw's maniacal games, and you have less than an hour left to live. It was also said that you must work together or die. What would you do? Most people would panic and start turning on the other people locked in the room. What I believe to be the correct path is to calm the people down, and try to figure out what has happened. I would follow the directions given in the video, and try to save as many people as possible. The ability to follow directions is one taught to us at a young age, and one I believe to be imperative to survival, whether in one of Jigsaw's puzzles or in Biology 101. In the puzzles, Jigsaw may demand that blood be spilled. The way to circumvent this demand is to have each member donate a small amount of blood. Thus everyone shares the pain, and everyone survives. It is obvious that the others would not be willing to donate blood, so I would take the initiative and go first. Thus the small sacrifice of mine helps the rest of the group go forward. If the group had already split up, then there would be less people to donate, resulting in them donating even more. The next test is one of dedication. If you cannot continue on no matter what the hardships, then people may die. Faced with this decision, I would go forward. I have the determination necessary to continue on through pain and suffering, or even to finish my homework assignment due first period. John Kramer, more lovingly known as Jigsaw, is a lot like Aristotle in he believed that human compassion and common sense would allow people put in trying situations to work together and achieve a common goal, survival.

If you don't get it, I am in the scene from SAW 2.

Thanks,
-Gogeta1217

Khalil.

I read your essay twice.You are a competent writer,but the subject really confused me!
I'm not really sure how to analyse your essay because I'm struggling to understand it.If you help me with some explanation,I'll be very happy to throw in my 2 cents!I'm failing to reconcile the SAW analogy to the prompt.

Best wishes:)

I get it, using the analogy of the movie, you have sumed up the importance of the question. One just has to see the question as a image to seek the answer.

Oh thought I'd add
You have written it from your worldview to where it makes sense to you, the collective is greater than the individual
I can see where the reader can get caught up in the deciphering of the writing content and you have written it from a movie of where, and how you survive is all that matters. Working together is the strategy to staying alive

wens

@Simba
I understand. My problem is I feel like I strayed from the prompt, and was thinking of a way to possibly make up a question to use this for.

That was my main point of making the thread. And any grammatical errors and what not you can find would be helpful!

@wens
Exactly. But I feel like i lost the question while writing the essay. Any ideas on a question I could make up to fit the essay I already wrote?

No! I would be lying if I said I thought this was a good idea. Let's have an essay that expounds your most important insights. Discuss the concepts that interest you, and make a connection between the theme of the essay and your intention for your time ad UMD.

I don't understand what is required of you!

But I do think it is a bad idea to write something that makes it seem like you recently saw this film and wanted to write about it; you should want to write about something that has to do with your plans for making a great contribution to UMD and then to your chosen field.

:-) get focused on your future.