'International' and 'Anime' - variety of clubs at Bates. Writing a supplement essay.

Help.
Here is a sample I wrote:
Why Bates? It's a small knit tight community with lots of offerings; that's why! Bates offers an academic curriculum that encompasses around an established equilibrium between learning and applying. This equilibrium is not only fostered by the small student body that loves to learn and give back to the community but also by the close student-faculty interactions and the top notch faculty that makes Bates an effective place to learn.

Bates is also an image of a diverse and engaged body of individuals who are following their interests hand to hand with academic pursuits. What engaged my interest was the variety of clubs that were present. From 'International Club' helping to explore and celebrate different clubs, the 'Bates Author Guild' to help further literary skills to the 'Anime Club' to showcase the freedom to watch Japanese animation. Aside from delving into personal interests, individuals can also explore a career oriented pathway through the different opportunities that are offered. Not only are there internship opportunities offered by the college through the alumni connection but also research and study abroad programs to engage students towards their skill set. This sets Bates as one of the best liberal arts college one can set foot on.

Hi!

I can't help but feel like your supplement essay did not showcase you as a potential member of the Bates community but instead it seemed like you were advertising it. I think the problem with this is that the people in Bates most probably already know all about your essay. In other words, your essay is quite generic. Maybe you can improve your essay by adding how the environment can help you as a person or why you love Bates.

I think you should rewrite it and focus more on why bates matters to you as an individual. There will be plenty of other applicants who point out the same things you did. You should make an effort to bring out your personality in your essay, this is quite generic.