Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


ISEP program; Personal Statement for studying abroad



miojmn 1 / 1  
Jan 23, 2013   #1
This is my personal statement for studying abroad and I want you to check it.
I want you to check not only the construction but grammatical mistakes because I am Japanese and non English native speaker.
In this statement, I need to include i) introduce myself ii) academic goal for studying abroad and for integrating into the host culture iii) what specific situations from my past have helped you prepare to accomplish these goals

I have dreamed of studying abroad ever since I was junior high school student. I think studying abroad is not only the time for studying but also the chance for growing as a human being in foreign country. In addition, I am sure that the experience will be irreplaceable treasure and always help me in my life. Now, I want to fulfill my longtime dream through ISEP program.

I am â-‹â-‹â-‹(my name), who is majoring East Asian studies in â-‹â-‹â-‹ University. I am so aggressive and like to challenge many things. In fact, I am joining many activities such as supports for freshman and international students in university. I want to study in the United States of America for mainly two reasons.

First, I want to study about the relationship between Japan and South Korea in the United States of America. I have had an interest in South Korea ever since I watched Anti-Japan demonstration in Korea on TV news when I was 12 years old. I was so shocked and doubted why we cannot get along well. So I am majoring East Asian Studies to explore the solution in university. But recently, I strongly have come to feel the necessity of Korean study from the neutral point of view. There are territorial and historical problem between two countries and they have different opinion. Therefore, I want to study abroad and reconsider about not only the relationship but also my home country, Japan.

Second, I want to make many friends from all over the world, share their values and broaden my horizon. I think the United States of America is the best place for me because the United States of America has strong relationship with two countries and offer high level education. In addition, there are many people from all over the world who have different backgrounds and values. It will be so useful for me since I can see many people and share different values.

My finally dream is establishing strong Japan-Korea friendship. I want to work at travel agency in future. I do not clearly know how I can contribute to the relationship yet. However, for example, if I organize tour to Korea and include the opportunity of cultural exchange in the tour, it can promote private cultural exchange between Japanese and Korean. This may be small things to contribute the friendship, but doing any small efforts one by one will be rewarded someday. Throughout this study abroad, I want to study about Japan-Korea relationship and consider what I can do for the friendship.

I will wait your reply, thank you.

Tess962 2 / 10  
Jan 23, 2013   #2
I'm also not a native english speaker, so grammar is not my forte, but I hope I can help you!

I think studying abroad is not only the time for studying but also the chance for growing as a human being in foreign country

I think it would be better " I believe this experience not only will help with my studies, but will be an irreplaceable chance for personal growht"

I am so aggressive and like to challenge many things

I think "aggressive" has a negative feeling to it. You may want to replace it with "resolute" or "competitive". Also you may try " I like to challange myself with many different activities"

reconsider about not only the relationship but also my home country, Japan

" about" is not needed after " reconsider". Also I think you could reformulate this statement a little

My finally dream is establishing strong Japan-Korea friendship

I would use "goal" instead of dream

Throughout this study abroad, I want to study about Japan-Korea relationship and consider what I can do for the friendship.

This concusion feels a little abrupt. I think you should spend same more words to make it more powerful and blend it better with the rest.

I hope you find this useful!
OP miojmn 1 / 1  
Jan 24, 2013   #3
Thank you for your help, it is so useful for me.
I will correct my personal statement again as you said.
Thanks:)☆


Home / Undergraduate / ISEP program; Personal Statement for studying abroad
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳