"my job at a bank and its influence" Short Answer for Common App work experience

I'm ready to be bombarded. Please review, proofread, and critique this short answer. please and thank you! :D
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below."

For nearly four years I have worked at the Bank of ABC, one of the biggest bank in the country. Although a good job, was not the job I wanted when I started, but the work I needed to help in the family expenses and continue my education.

On my first day (of my first job), I was terrified. I was shy and uncommunicative, and I was supposed to do business with the bank's customers in the same way a experienced employee would do. After some time of work, when I started receiving the first compliments of my managers and clients I realized how much work was helping me become a better person. It has improved my social skills, my time management abilities; It put me in touch with different people and drove me to different situations to solve by my self.

My job as a bank employee not only allowed me to continue my degree in Computer Sciences, but also helped me develop skills necessary for any successful professional, I would never learn in college.

For nearly four years, I have worked at the Bank of ABC, one of the biggest banks in the country. Although it is a good job, was not the job I wanted when I started, but the work I needed to help in thepay for my family expenses and continue my education.

Good job :) I wonder if you can explain this notion more clearly: " was not the job I wanted when I started"

On my first day (of my first job), I was terrified.
You could say: When I started my first job I was terrified.

I was shy and uncommunicative, and I was supposedexpected to interactdo business with the bank's customers in the same way aas if I was an experienced employee.would do.

After some time of work, when I started receiving the first compliments of my managers and clients I realized how much work was helping me become a better person.

It put me in touch with different people and droveled me to different situations to solve by my self.that required independent problem solving.

My job as a bank employee not only allowed me to continue my degree in Computer Sciences, but also helped me develop skillsthe necessary skills for any successful professional, I would never learn in college