THIS IS MY ESSAY FOR THE SECOND UC PROMPT.
-tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you, what about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
- I'm not a baby, i can take it. say whatever is needed.
John Lennon wore crooked glasses. They were about a half of a centimeter higher on the left side than the right. I know this because I spent three weeks mapping his face out onto a 24x36 inch piece of paper in my Art 3-4 class. The assignment was to create a portrait of someone who had inspired you. I chose John because I thought it would be simple.
Simple, that's just the thing. Simple would be the easiest thing to do, the most convenient. John Lennon, simple? Not even close. I had confused a pair of crooked glasses, long shiny hair, and bushy eyebrows for simple.
Art had always been a natural thing for me, the same way singing was natural for BeyoncĂŠ, but I soon realized that this assignment was going to take a lot more than just ability. I scribbled, scratched, and shaded with my 2H pencil, but could not correctly portray this so-called simple face. The need for me to pay attention to detail forced me to be patient with my work. I had to allow my eyes a chance to recognize miniscule details like the crookedness of his glasses. There was a couple times when I thought I was going to burn the stupid project, but that would also be the easy thing to do. So, why not finish it? For the next few weeks, I focused on this piece the way same way Leonardo focused on Mona Lisa. I drew a grid on my paper and square by square, I sketched John Lennon. The glasses were crooked, the hair was long and shiny, and the eyebrows were bushy. By the time I was ready to paint it, all I had to do was fill in the lines. When I finally finished, I felt like the most successful person to ever walk to planet. The triumphant feeling of overcoming the temptation of taking the easy way out, taught me that hard work really does pay off. John was a beauty.
I walk past the framed portrait of John Lennon everyday. It's a handy reminder that a great achievement does not come easy. Thanks to the deceased rock star a simple single was no longer what I looked for, instead I went after the platinum album. I take much pride in John Lennon but not for the common reason. He showed me how handle crooked glasses, long shiny hair, and bushy eyebrows, and that 24x36 inch piece of paper is not simple.
This essay is filled with simple sentences. Sometimes this has a great effect on the reader, making him or her read with a fast pace or even making him or her feel like there is some mystery between the lines of the writing. In your case, however, it does not have any sort of desired effect.
It's like you forgot about conjunctions (and, but, etc.)!
You have odd analogies. But I suppose they work. Don't forget that accented letters are not compatible with the UC app so you have to take out the ĂŠ from BeyoncĂŠ. Just say Beyonce. lol.
The ending is a bit awkward--it seems like you were striving for one of those majestic endings where it's like your essay made a loop and it ties to the introduction flawlessly and your whole essay is rolled up tightly like a seamless burrito of eloquence... But, unfortunately, you fell short. You don't really emphasize your pride and there is not even a little hint as to how this experience relates to the person you are.
The topic of this essay is actually really, for lack of better term, cool! I was just hungry for something more... I can't really put my finger on it. I wish you could have talked about John Lennon on a more personal level... Something like, his eyes pierced me with the passion that I know they held so long ago. Some sort of IMAGERY!
OMIGOSH that's it! Imagery!!! :D
Your essay is a flat one; it needs some color, some depth, some imageryyyyyyy!
Good luck! You have a little more than two days!
Best,
Marisa
