"to join clubs and befriend a new community" - Why Northwestern

I want to send this out today, but I don't know if it's okay. Can someone read/evaluate this? Thanks!

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

For years, I had only been able to dream about what Northwestern University might be like, whether or not it was like Hogwarts or a princess' castle with its gothic structure and majestic towers. Now I am able to see the school for what it really is: a highly respected institution of academic excellence and dedication known for its ability to mold students into future leaders. I hope that when I attend Northwestern, I can take advantage of all the choices that the school will offer me.

When I first heard of Northwestern, I assumed that it was a school focused mainly on the arts and humanities. But after attending an information session in Philadelphia, I realized that Northwestern emphasizes multidisciplinary programs and intellectual variety. I am excited about enrolling in the various courses offered by the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences; my love for the arts and humanities has not outweighed my interests in math and science. At Weinberg, I am eager to broaden my interests and possibly major in both international studies and physics. The college's study abroad programs will provide me with an exclusive list of worldwide destinations.

Having tutored children since I was in middle school, I understand the importance of learning for the sake of learning. As I watched the young students idle away from filling out worksheets, I devised methods so that they could learn more effectively and enjoyably. Through board games and other such activities, they flourished and saw education as a rewarding experience. Knowing that Northwestern embraces an empirical approach to education, I seek to find opportunities such as internships and off-campus studies that will contribute to my love for learning.

I remember my frequent childhood trips to the nearby Franklin Institute, where I gained in-depth knowledge about pendulums and electricity. Even though I had already read about these things in books, I preferred the hands-on approach of museums to the encyclopedias and textbooks that crowded my room. Chicago is one of the great cultural hubs of the urban world, filled with rich history, music, arts, and lucrative internships and community service opportunities. The museums and exhibits near Northwestern's campus will enhance my education and relaxation. Chicago's many intellectual resources are just a train-ride away. I look forward to taking trips around Chicago with my friends while enjoying jazz concerts, visiting historical museums, and dining at ethnic restaurants.

I believe that Northwestern is the only place which will truly embrace my talents and deepen my passions. The school's many student organizations will not only offer me a chance to expand upon my high school activities but they will allow me to bond with the diverse student body. When I attend Northwestern, I hope to join clubs and befriend a new community. Whether I'm enjoying performances by the Brown Sugar a cappella group or competing on Northwestern's Quiz Bowl Team, I am convinced that Northwestern will bring out the best in me.

Remove "only".

Your response is on the safe side.

I know. I'm not the strongest/quirkiest writer, so I tried just being as solid as possible. But is it okay otherwise?

It is definitely okay, esp for a question as boring as WHY BLAH BLAH BLAH COLLEGE. :)

would you check mine?

Can someone also look at my Common App activities essay? Thanks!

Please elaborate on one of your activities (150 words or fewer).

I had some nostalgic moments before I officially began putting together a string quartet. My former violin teacher used to take me and her other students to old-age homes frequently to play classical pieces and fiddle tunes. When I considered the joy and enthusiasm on the faces of those who weren't fortunate enough to hear music on a daily basis, I wanted to give back to the world in a different way.

Creating a string quartet is one of the most rewarding things I have done and has even contributed to my personal growth. A violinist for ten years, I know that practicing the violin itself requires commitment and discipline. But playing with and governing a small group of musicians has taught me not only responsibility and leadership but open-mindedness as well. Playing together required musical ability, respect, and flexibility; I remember that during every practice of every recital.

hmmmm you've addressed the prompt properly...
hmmmmmmm i don't wanna be like an english teacher pointing out about structure, but i don't see the smooth transitions between paragraphs

Which one are you referring to?

...anyone else want to help me fix my common app essay?

I dont think you need to worry about your Northwestern supplement. You should easily get into U Chicago with your wonderful essay!


Where is your commonapp essay?

Haha, thanks. My actual commonapp essay is not as strong, so we'll see about UChicago. And I still need to work on "Why UChicago?"; it's not nearly done. :(

Do you think I could use the UChicago essay as my commonapp essay for other colleges?

What I meant by the commonapp essay on the thread was my activities essay. You should be able to find it. Please help! Thanks!

Here's my actual commonapp essay in any case. Not so good I'm afraid...

As I step outside my front door I see Snowberry Way spanning across the width
of the forest that remains untouched. The road to the left dips slightly before forking into two paths, one of which turns upward and the other taking a sharp right turn. To the right, the road continues until it halts at an intersection. It's hard to see from there, but the road plummets downhill toward the highway. And straight ahead I could find a pink sun setting behind the mountains that stand miles away.

Whenever I want fresh air, I don my sneakers and run outside onto the sidewalk
for an evening walk. I usually turn left, but on Tuesdays, I walk to the clubhouse at the far end of the street, carrying textbooks. Children emerge with books as well; some seem to be running. Walking into the room, I see the eager students, reflections of myself, arguing over the complexities of simple math problems. The competitive spirit that embodies the community pushes the children to start their walks of life early. As I travel on, I take pleasure guiding them in their own journeys.

The nature trail is eerily lonely, almost haunting. At the end of the pathway, the
light almost completely fades away. I learned of the winding road and its landmarks, especially one particular oak tree that erects itself over the protective layer of greenery. On all my walks, I managed to navigate my way to that oak where I felt safe. But realizing my eagerness to finish the journey that I began, I slowly relinquished my grasp of the tree. Every time I emerged from the trail, I wore a triumphant smile for the rest of the day.

As I grew older, I looked to expand my boundaries. To satisfy my desire for a
new frontier, I journeyed far inland along a stream that runs parallel to an alternate trail. Wise as it would have been to carry a GPS system, I continued to walk along the road carrying nothing but curiosity. Chaperoned by my father, my spirit carried me beyond the pavement into the real terrain. At one time, a jagged rock ripped through the sole of one of my sneakers. I spent the next fifteen minutes of the walk complaining, but I understood that my playful exploits around the neighborhood were rather insignificant. For the greater part of my life, my roads had been paved for me. I realized then that I must pave my own path.

As I approach the upcoming intersection, I understand the vastness of the road of
life and that the roads that I traveled were merely tributaries of a greater system of streets, roads, freeways, and highways. But those on which I strode built my foundations of intellectual curiosity, community, and freedom. The road that I will build will be entirely my own, built off of my identity. So the path unveils itself before me. I will take that path. And that will make all the difference.

I just love the way you write. The flow esp.


This line is lovely.

Its good. But I'd suggest you change your UChicago essay into your commonapp essay for other colleges. It will definitely make you stand out.

Just add a bit more of your perspectives in that essay. For instance, you can end up with few lines like "With the help of my disorder, a gift in disguise, I develop thoughts and perspectives that are uniquely my own.

I always add a bit of my color to things which otherwise look black and white. And that makes me different."

Thanks so much for looking at my commonapp essay. The one I was actually referring to was this one. Kind of rough, but it may work.

Please elaborate on one of your activities (150 words or fewer).

I had some nostalgic moments before I officially began putting together a string quartet. My former violin teacher used to take me and her other students to old-age homes frequently to play classical pieces and fiddle tunes. When I considered the joy and enthusiasm on the faces of those who weren't fortunate enough to hear music on a daily basis, I wanted to give back to the world in a different way.

Creating a string quartet is one of the most rewarding things I have done and has even contributed to my personal growth. A violinist for ten years, I know that practicing the violin itself requires commitment and discipline. But playing with and governing a small group of musicians has taught me not only responsibility and leadership but open-mindedness as well. Playing together required musical ability, respect, and flexibility; I remember that during every practice of every recital.

Btw I looked at your Williams supplement and your take on the prompt was marvelous!

I remember that during every practice of every recital.
remove the first every.
"When I considered the joy and enthusiasm on the faces of those who weren't fortunate enough to hear music on a daily basis, I wanted to give back to the world in a different way."

considered is not an appropriate word to use out here. Maybe "noticed". Dont know exactly.
May be rephrase the whole sentence. "I wanted to give back.." seems out of place.
Each tune I played brought in their faces the joy and ethusiasm for life. And every time I realized this, I felt like playing my violin forever, for my music was making a difference in their lives.

Sounds solid. Tells us about your passion for violin, team ability and compassion for others. Good!

Well I have another supplement for Williams that I used last year. I like it myself. So, I am kinda confused about which one I should send. Would you check that one out and compare the two?

I ll post that in my Williams Supp thread.

I liked how you rephrased that one sentence. I'll put that in! I got rid of a couple words here and there. How's this?

I had some nostalgic moments before I began putting together a string quartet. My former violin teacher used to take me and her other students to old-age homes frequently to play classical pieces and fiddle tunes. Each tune we played brought in their faces the joy and enthusiasm for life. And every time I realized this, I felt like playing my violin forever, for my music was making a difference in their lives.

Creating a string quartet is one of the most rewarding things I have done and has even contributed to my personal growth. A violinist for ten years, I know that practicing the violin itself requires commitment and discipline. But playing with and governing a small group of musicians has taught me not only responsibility and leadership but open-mindedness as well. Playing together required musical ability, respect, and flexibility; I remember that during practice of every recital.

I liked your new essay better. But they're both good. You're rather good with emotional writing!

Playing together requires not just ability, but also respect and flexibility;....

Howz that? Since abilility is a basic thing, I think you should emphasize more on the remaining two.

I need to start writing all my supplements from tomorrow :( I will look forward to your comments on my essays I post in future. Also feel free to ask for any help :)

Good Luck with your application!

Same here! You don't know how much you've helped and I look forward to helping you in the future! :)