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the Key Club Office - Common App Activities Essay



monochachi 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

For the past 3 years many of my lunches and weekends have been spent in room B211, more formally known as the Key Club Office. This room has held place to memories of brainstorming hours on end for new ways to help save the world, counting the thousands of items we receive from the hundreds of drives we hold, doing the victory dance after successful events and showing that a bunch of high school students can be superheroes in their own right. Although I originally joined this club so that I could add it to my college resume, the reason I remained dedicated to this club is because of the smiles that our work brings on people's faces . It is through this club that my fellow Key Club officers became some of my best friends and the cliché phrase "kindness is the best gift" had true meaning for me.

Is it too general? Should I add more details on what I specifically did?

Deva17 1 / 10  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
This is fine except for two parts:

- a bunch of high school students can be superheroes in their own right. This is a little casual, change the word "bunch" and if you can do something with can be superheroes in their own right. It just sounds awkward.

- It is through this club that my fellow Key Club officers became some of my best friends and the cliché phrase "kindness is the best gift" had true meaning for me. This is a run-on. You can either put "that" in between "and" and "the cliche" or you can end the sentence at best friends and then talk about the cliche phrase.

The rest is great.


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