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"To be a Leader; the National Youth Leadership Forum" UC prompt #2



Demeris 4 / 5  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
Describe a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

i appreciate any comments and criticisms :) thanks!

I was nominated to attend the National Youth Leadership Forum by my AP US History teacher, Mr. Gillogly. The letter of recommendation stated, "I showed exemplary skills in leadership, a broad knowledge of history, and abilities to overcome challenges". After long discussions with my parents, I had a plane ticket to Washington DC. I would stay a week in the Nations capital as a participant of the NYLF on National Security. I had no idea what I was in store for.

Upon arrival, I was assigned to a NSAM group, which was to be my "learning family" for the week. I took every discussion and activity as an opportunity to develop my leadership skills.--I wanted to show I had the confidence and intelligence to bring my group to success. Later, my peers elected me to be president. They wanted me to lead them through the biggest challenge so far--The National Crisis Simulation.

The simulation split the group into the modern day parts of government. The objective was , by working together, to make a National policy concerning a crisis in the middle east. The simulation tested my individual skills to communicate, lead, to gather and organize information, and to handle enormous amounts of pressure. My groups simulation rapidly turned to caos. Because of pressure, there was lack of communication, confusion, and the group was frustrated and exhausted. Despite my plan of action, knowledge, or motivation, I could't lead my NSAM to success. Everything fell apart. I failed.

The NYLF taught me how to work in groups, improved my social skills, and opened my eyes to our nation. Most importantly, it gave me insight on my leadership skills: I have the foundation to be a successful leader, but I have a long ways of practice until I get there. Now, I am using my talents in soccer and music as an outlet to be a leader. Though my first attempt was a disaster, I'm proud to say I failed because I'm proud that my peers had the confidence in me to take on the challenge. I am proud of myself for traveling across the country by myself, being open to the new experience and intelligence NYLF had to offer, and for coming home a leader with a unforgettable memories and friends.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 3, 2010   #2
...I had no idea what I was in store for.
....I had no idea what was in store for me.
Either version above is okay, but neither is great. I think you should do this:
...I had no idea what awaited me. (Now add a short sentence that hints at what the essay is about.)

Capitalize:
...a crisis in the middle eas Middle East. The simulation tested my individual skills to communicate, lead, to ...

... turned to chaos .

I couldn 't lead my..

You should talk more about your goals for the near future, because that is what will inspire them to accept you into the school.
:-)


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