Learning through desire - transfer essay from Umass to UTampa.

Hey there, new to the forum not a very strong writer but am passionate about the field i am trying to get into. This is a rough draft and would like feedback on what direction i should take it or revisions i should make. thank you.

Common App Transfer essay min. 250 words.

I believe that there is a time in everybody's life that they discover an epiphany about themselves and reflect on the life they've lived so far and whether they are satisfied with the goals or choices they have made for themselves. I had never had drive or passion towards an educational dream and because of this I lacked the will to put forth effort in high school. I graduated but still had no idea of what I wanted to do or even desired to pursue. It began by going to the gym after a friend had encouraged me to star working out. I. Became hooked, the feeling I felt after the first week was indescribable, my body had changed through hard work and commitment two valuable skills I had lacked growing up. Quickly I became infatuated with everything involving the world of fitness. I had begun researching and reading texts on nutrition and the physiology of the human body. I had never put so much focus into something before in my life. I grew this unquenchable thirst for knowledge and it gave me a great feeling.

Learning through my own desire rather being told unfortunately this passion came later and had affected my academic record in both high school and college. Since my first semester at Umass Lowell my grades have only improved every semester. Now I have reached a point in my life where I am certain in the career I wish to pursue in the field of exercise science and nutrition. It is all I can see myself doing in life, as I am so deeply passionate about learning everything I can and using that knowledge to teach and help others. It is hard to put into words how much I have changed as a person in order to better myself.

I fell in love with the university of Tampa on my search for colleges with exercise programs. I first noticed the research study that the school of health did on the nutritional supplement HMB and its benefits. This is exactly the thing I want to do in my career. My school does have an exercise program however you need a 3.5 GPA to get into the program. Because my GPA is lower than this I don't want to waste anymore time taking unnecessary classes and I want to begin my major. I am certain without a doubt that I would be an excellent addition to the university of Tampa campus and give my absolute best to succeed in this school. My past academic record truly does not reflect the desire and will that I now have

"Everybody" is a singular word and you cannot use "they" as pronoun.



why did you use the tens of past perfect here? I think you should use the past simple tens.