Please help me evaluate this essay. I need to cut it down, any suggestions? Please critique it harshly, I promise you I won't get mad at all.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).
The day I began volunteering at P.A.D.S, at a homeless shelter, I knew that I would be making a difference in someone's life. However, I didn't realize how much of a difference it would have on my life. The day I arrived at the site, there was a blistering cold in the air. All the homeless people stood outside, and like marching ants in the rain, they awaited their turn to seek shelter. One by one, I expedited the registration process and explained the rules so that they wouldn't have to suffer under Mother Nature's wrath. After, I decided to play with a shy, little boy named Carlos who was at the shelter with his mom. He told me how upset he was because his dad moved far away; his mom was always crying, and how he didn't have a beautiful house to live in. Immediately, my heart sank into my stomach and overbearing emotions took control of me. As I looked into his innocent and glistening green eyes, I saw myself years ago. I remembered of the time when I first sought shelter in America. I remembered the time when I shared a small, dark room with my mother and brother. Of the time when we would walk for countless hours in my neighborhood; we would rummage through garbage with the intent of looking for cans to sell them at a local recycling plant and looking for any toys to play with. Retuning to reality, as I wiped a tear from my face, I gave Carlos a big hug. I told him that I went through the same situation and ushered him to be strong. I explained that in the end, everything will be okay. From that day on, I realized that I would devote my life to helping others. P.A.D.S. was the first stepping stone to this epiphany and it would not be the last.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).
The day I began volunteering at P.A.D.S, at a homeless shelter, I knew that I would be making a difference in someone's life. However, I didn't realize how much of a difference it would have on my life. The day I arrived at the site, there was a blistering cold in the air. All the homeless people stood outside, and like marching ants in the rain, they awaited their turn to seek shelter. One by one, I expedited the registration process and explained the rules so that they wouldn't have to suffer under Mother Nature's wrath. After, I decided to play with a shy, little boy named Carlos who was at the shelter with his mom. He told me how upset he was because his dad moved far away; his mom was always crying, and how he didn't have a beautiful house to live in. Immediately, my heart sank into my stomach and overbearing emotions took control of me. As I looked into his innocent and glistening green eyes, I saw myself years ago. I remembered of the time when I first sought shelter in America. I remembered the time when I shared a small, dark room with my mother and brother. Of the time when we would walk for countless hours in my neighborhood; we would rummage through garbage with the intent of looking for cans to sell them at a local recycling plant and looking for any toys to play with. Retuning to reality, as I wiped a tear from my face, I gave Carlos a big hug. I told him that I went through the same situation and ushered him to be strong. I explained that in the end, everything will be okay. From that day on, I realized that I would devote my life to helping others. P.A.D.S. was the first stepping stone to this epiphany and it would not be the last.