I just finished my UF app and i really need some suggestions because I dont know if its really good. :) :)
heres the prompt:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
heres my essay:
"Bye grandma and grandpa" I said to my grandparents, whom I spent the last four years with, as I boarded the gigantic white airplane that was bound to take me back to my real home. I took a deep breath and entered the aircraft, pushing my way through the string of people that I was going to spend the next 36 hours with. I took my seat, and looked out the window into the dark sky up above. After a few minutes, the attendant signals that the plane is ready for take-off. As the plane is taking off, I look out into the city that I somewhat grew to love after four years. A tear slid down my cheek as my whole world became farther and farther away, until it was out of my life forever.After a while, I started thinking about how my life progressed in these four years, and how I found my-self.
Growing up in India was the most amazing four years of my life. Before I moved to India, I was quiet and reserved, and I felt like the whole world was just my imagination. After I went over there, I was surrounded by people just like me, and that in the long run helped me sculpt myself in my own way, and really brought out my true colors. India was just the power boost I needed. People accepted me for who I was, and I made friendships that I knew would last forever. I realized that I should be proud of my-self, my culture, and my family. My personality changed dramatically, from being the shy little girl in the back of the room to the most talkative girl that everybody wanted to be friends with. I was me, flaws and everything, and not like those other fake girls who just follow everyone else. I have my own talents and capabilities. I found out I'm pretty good at basket-ball, and writing poetry is defenitly something I should have started a long time ago. I love helping people, and I was and still am always there for my peers, no matter if their my best friend or my enemy. I signed up for every club or sport I could, because I'm the type of person that never gives up too easily on anything.
I suddenly woke up from my deep thinking, and saw that the plane had just landed. I stretched my bare arms and looked out the window, into the sunny bright world that awaits me. I see my parents standing near the exit, and I run to them, a smile creeping up on my face. India is something I'll never forget, and the memories will be implanted in my mind forever, but now it's time to start a new chapter. My new life at UF.
Backround: I lived in india for four years, and im trying to descibe my expeirence as if I was dreaming while on the plane ride home. Is it a good idea? Could I change anything?
xoxo,
prahasi :)
heres the prompt:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
heres my essay:
"Bye grandma and grandpa" I said to my grandparents, whom I spent the last four years with, as I boarded the gigantic white airplane that was bound to take me back to my real home. I took a deep breath and entered the aircraft, pushing my way through the string of people that I was going to spend the next 36 hours with. I took my seat, and looked out the window into the dark sky up above. After a few minutes, the attendant signals that the plane is ready for take-off. As the plane is taking off, I look out into the city that I somewhat grew to love after four years. A tear slid down my cheek as my whole world became farther and farther away, until it was out of my life forever.After a while, I started thinking about how my life progressed in these four years, and how I found my-self.
Growing up in India was the most amazing four years of my life. Before I moved to India, I was quiet and reserved, and I felt like the whole world was just my imagination. After I went over there, I was surrounded by people just like me, and that in the long run helped me sculpt myself in my own way, and really brought out my true colors. India was just the power boost I needed. People accepted me for who I was, and I made friendships that I knew would last forever. I realized that I should be proud of my-self, my culture, and my family. My personality changed dramatically, from being the shy little girl in the back of the room to the most talkative girl that everybody wanted to be friends with. I was me, flaws and everything, and not like those other fake girls who just follow everyone else. I have my own talents and capabilities. I found out I'm pretty good at basket-ball, and writing poetry is defenitly something I should have started a long time ago. I love helping people, and I was and still am always there for my peers, no matter if their my best friend or my enemy. I signed up for every club or sport I could, because I'm the type of person that never gives up too easily on anything.
I suddenly woke up from my deep thinking, and saw that the plane had just landed. I stretched my bare arms and looked out the window, into the sunny bright world that awaits me. I see my parents standing near the exit, and I run to them, a smile creeping up on my face. India is something I'll never forget, and the memories will be implanted in my mind forever, but now it's time to start a new chapter. My new life at UF.
Backround: I lived in india for four years, and im trying to descibe my expeirence as if I was dreaming while on the plane ride home. Is it a good idea? Could I change anything?
xoxo,
prahasi :)
