elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I have fallen in love with the stage since I was 13. Starting out with acting, I got the chances to role play other people who I might never choose to be in my lifetime. Then I tried to create scripts. Screenwriting gave me the opportunities to create stories and design what were going to happen to the characters. Eventually I became a director. Directing was a challenging task in which I had to orchestrate the whole team and oversee the entire production, from proscenium to backstage, of a play. It was the most satisfying moment when I received the highest appreciation from the audience and judges and was awarded "the best director". Sometimes I think life is like a play. Every day is a creation and rehearsal for the future. I would play my roles seriously and direct my life to the fullest and the most it could achieve.
I found it hard to answer this question. I believe it is not good. Please give me some suggestions on how to better my elaboration.
Thank You Very Much.
"I have fallen in love with the stage since I was 13." Revise to either "I have been in love with the stage since I was 13." or "I fell in love with the stage when I was 13."
Hmmmm . . . you are trying to cover too much. Don't give an overview of your entire history with the theater. Pick one portion of that history that you discuss in detail. So, you might focus on directing your first play, or acting in a particular role. That will allow you to use this essay to make a point about yourself, to demonstrate that you possess some quality that makes you a good applicant. Good luck with your second draft.
Starting out with acting, I got the chance to play the roles of people who I might never choose to be in my lifetime.
Screenwriting gave me the opportunity to create stories and plan what was going to happen to the characters.
...oversee the entire play production, from proscenium to backstage.
Sean is right, but here are a few minor fixes, in case you use these sentences.
:)
I was thinking maybe you want to startboff your paper with a moment in which you can bring forth detailed writing. Zoom into a moment and start off from there. Other than that good.
You have three different activities you enjoy here that have to do with drama. 1- acting, 2. play writing, 3. directing. It's good to mention all three, but only in passing and in order to focus on one. For example, "I fell in love with drama at the age of 13, and have enjoyed every aspect including acting, play writing and directing, but have most enjoyed directing."
Too bad you can only write 150 words! This would make an excellent 5-paragraph essay!
Thank you for all the opinions!!!! I deeply appreciate all of your help!!!
And with these suggestions, I have rewritten the short essay as follows:
I fell in love with the stage at the age of 13 and have enjoyed every aspect including acting, play writing and directing, but have most enjoyed directing. Director a drama was challenging. I had to orchestrate the whole team and oversee the entire play production, from proscenium to backstage. There were times of conflicts. For instance, when an actor was not satisfied with the partner's acting, I had to be the moderator; and when some people were not concentrated in the work, I needed to retain their devotion. However, it came to me the most satisfying moment when my first directed play received high appreciation and I was awarded "the best director". Sometimes I think life is like a play and every day I am rehearsing for my future. I would therefore play my roles seriously and direct this play to the fullest and most successful.
How do you feel about this one? Is it still not good enough? I still have a few days to work on it.
Please give me some suggestions.
Thank you very much!
I fell in love with the stage at the age of 13 and have enjoyed every aspect including acting, play writing and directing, but have most enjoyed directing. Director a drama was challenging. I had to orchestrate the whole team and oversee the entire play production, from proscenium to backstage.
Hi,Stefanie
What about give some vivid details?
Like" Music is my passion, my motivating force, and the element that keeps me grounded. Theater is my escape from reality, the chance to be a different person, the chance to shine.Art is a wonderful refined form of expression that has truly shaped my life."
Hope this is hopeful
You're on the right track. You might want to offer some specifics about the drama in question. What play was it? How old were you when the project took place? Also, maybe go a bit more in-depth about what you learned from the experience.
"when an actor was not satisfied with a partner's acting,"
"and when some people were not concentrating on their work"
How about this one?
I fell in love with the stage at the age of 13 and have enjoyed every aspect including acting, playwriting and directing, but have most enjoyed directing. In 2004, I directed my first drama which was about a group of youths on the edge of the underworld. Directing it was challenging, but I have learned to orchestrate a team and oversee an entire play production, from proscenium to backstage. Sometimes conflicts occurred, for instance, when an actor was not satisfied with a partner's performance and I had to be the moderator to resolve the problem. It came to me the most satisfying moment when the play received high appreciation and I was awarded "The Best Director". Somehow I think life is like a play and I am the playwright, the director and the actor of this play. Thus, I play seriously and try to lead it to the fullest and the most it can achieve, even if the audience is just me.
It is a little bit over limit (162 words for this one above). But I've been trying my best to better it, please give me some comments and helps.
Thanks a lot.
The first part of your essay is really strong. The second part needs a little bit more editing. You should add a sentence or two in the middle, just after "Sometimes conflicts occurred, for instance, when an actor was not satisfied with a partner's performance and I had to be the moderator to resolve the problem." to connect up with the revised version of what you have now:
"The play received a standing ovation on its opening night, and I was eventually awarded "The Best Director" by _____. This experience taught me that life is like a play for which I am both playwright and director."
You then need a new concluding sentence [the one you have now doesn't really make much sense]. Then, you'll be ready to submit.
Dear Sean, thank you so much for your help. It really helps me out, since I'm really not good at English writing, although I have been to the States for almost two years. My bad..
I have again edited the essay.
I fell in love with the stage at the age of 13 and have enjoyed every aspect including acting, playwriting and directing, but have most enjoyed directing. In 2004, I directed my first drama which was about a group of youths on the edge of the underworld. Directing it was challenging, but I have learned to orchestrate a team and oversee an entire play production, from proscenium to backstage. Sometimes I had to be a moderator to resolve conflicts, such as when an actor was not satisfied with a partner's performance. In several months, the script was evolved into a vivid play and ready to be shown to its audience. The play received a standing ovation on its opening night, and I was eventually awarded the "Outstanding Director" by the Hong Kong Art School. This experience taught me that life is like a play for which I am both playwright and director. I would like to bring a first-rate play onto the stage.
I have tried my best to correct the things that you suggest, adding the sentences in the middle and at the end, but I don't know if they make sense.
It's also still a little bit over limit (163 words now while it requires 150 words or fewer) , so I need to cross something out actually. What would you suggest not to be there?
I really appreciate any help.
Thank You.
How's this:
At 13, I fell in love with the stage. Since then, I have tried acting, playwriting and directing, but have most enjoyed the latter. In 2004, I directed my first drama, a play about a group of youths on the edge of the underworld. This experience taught me to orchestrate a team and oversee an entire play production, from proscenium to backstage. I learned also how to act as a moderator when actors were dissatisfied with each other's performances. After months of work, the script evolved into a vivid play that received a standing ovation on opening night, and that eventually won me an "Outstanding Director" award from the Hong Kong Art School. This experience taught me that life is a play for which I am both playwright and director. Now, I dream of one day bringing a first-rate play to an even more prestigious stage.
Really really thank you very much!!!
That really helps me out.
I don't know how to thank for your help...