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'masterminding an overseas travel to USA' - Short essay of Common app


qq8928999 2 / 7  
Dec 21, 2011   #1
I'm a applicant from China and I really appreciate somebody can give me comments on my essay :)

I have to say masterminding an overseas travel to USA is a tough job. Visa part can be very nettlesome. The application form is even more complicated than that of the university, not to mention the irritating procedure to certificate the property at banks and the most important part, the interview with Visa officers, where you should be very prudent about the question they ask. As the planner, I had to check the every detail of the materials and the forms of our group members incase any mistake and told them about the things to notice when interviewed. However, Visa was merely the start. From the design of different travel routes, flight booking to the local hotel reservation, decision was hard to make because everybody had their own opinions. We even argued whether we should first visit east coast or L.A. After a three-day discussion, we finally reached an agreement that the trip began at Hawaii and ended at New York. Nothing is more delightful when you get to the destination you designed. I sensed blithe even if I still had to be the interpreter at airports, hotels and cafés. So far I've successfully schemed the visits to America, Australia, Europe, and Dubai etc and I sincerely feel grateful that my parents gave chances and let me be the leader. My horizon was broadened and my leadership was cultivated at the meantime, which paves a smooth way for my long living and learning in USA.
USMAN GUJJAR 2 / 33  
Dec 21, 2011   #2
needs some strong vacaboulary and some more detail
OP qq8928999 2 / 7  
Dec 21, 2011   #3
Thanx for ur help~~~
USMAN GUJJAR 2 / 33  
Dec 21, 2011   #4
your thought is clear and orginized
mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 23, 2011   #5
i think some more vocal, and this essay would be amazing


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