foreigners who visited 3 areas
This is a missing element in your summary overview. You need to mention these 3 places immediately for the sake of the reader, who needs to have a proper summary of all important information coming from the line graph. This missing information in the summary makes it difficult to understand the discussion once you present it in the succeeding paragraphs. You could have mentioned these in the trending statement for maximum effect upon the reader.
You are relying too much on run-on sentences in the presentation. This will cause you to receive a failing C+C and GRA score. You need to learn how to write in proper, short, one idea sentences to better achieve a passing GRA and C+C score.