I'm going to be applying to UC's in a few days and just wanted some final thoughts on my personal statements. Any advice, criticisms, or mistakes you find are greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Prompt #1 :Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Being the son of Mexican immigrants, I consider myself fortunate to have a strong Latino culture which has allowed me to perceive the world around me much differently than the average person living in the United States. This strong culture means a close connection and relationship with my relatives who are still in Mexico. Quite often my family and I go to visit my relatives, at least once every month, which invariably results in a very unique experience. These constant trips to Mexico, however, have opened my eyes and allowed me to realize how truly blessed I am here in the United States. While I am in Mexico, I see the homes of many people in the city, made of cardboard, simple sheets of metal, and even old tires and I wonder how they are able to live in such poor conditions while I am blessed with a two-story home four-times the size of theirs. It is then that I understand the opportunities that are available to me here in the United States and why my parents chose to leave their family's behind and come over to the United States; they came to this great country to allow my brother, my sister and I the chance for a better life through an education. It is because of this sacrifice that my parents made that I see it as my responsibility to fulfill their unspoken wish and go to a university, and ultimately make them proud by graduating. To someday walk up to a podium and accept my diploma would fulfill not only my personal dream but also that of my parents, and to see the expressions on their faces, I will know that I have achieved what they have always wished for me. I can't say that I wouldn't have this same goal and dream of going to college if I wasn't Mexican-American, but I certainly do believe that it has had a strong influence on me, giving me more of a desire and urge to complete this dream.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Helping others has always been something that I have taken pride in. Whenever I have the chance, I will lend a helping hand to someone and even if I can't be of much help I will still try nonetheless. There have been many times throughout my life in which I have had the opportunity to help someone out, but there is one event in particular that I take much more pride in than any other and retain a sense of self-satisfaction from. It took place in the month of April of the year 2010 in a small town in Mexico, called Nayarit, where many of my relatives live, including my grandma and grandpa.
What occurred on April 4, 2010 was an earthquake of a magnitude of 7.2 that shook up the entire region. As soon as I heard about the earthquake I became worried about all my cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends that might have been severely affected by the quake. During that whole week my family and I gathered what supplies we could by asking friends and neighbors for donations, and planned on going down to help out anyone we could the weekend after. That Friday , as soon as I got out of school, we set off with our van full of all kinds of supplies and general things that we thought people might need.
As soon as we arrived I could see the devastation that the earthquake had caused. The roads were practically unusable with all the cracks and crevices they had in them and many of the houses had either crumbled into a pile of debris or were deemed unfit to live in anymore and had to be abandoned. In every face I saw I could sense a feeling of despair, sorrow, pain. We first stopped at my uncle's house and began unloading everything and organized it for distribution. When we began giving out the supplies I could see a change taking place in the people just by looking at their expressions. All the faces of despair, sorrow, and pain quickly changed , even if for only a few seconds, to ones of joy and gratitude. Every time I saw this change from hopelessness to happiness, I rejoiced a little on the inside and felt proud of myself, knowing that I had made a difference in a person's life.
I spent that whole weekend handing out all kinds of things to people and even went to a nearby park and spent some time socializing with the locals. I also went to my aunt and uncle's church where they had set-up a shelter and talked with the people who were staying there as well. Every person I spoke with had a different story to tell about their experience during and immediately after the earthquake, allowing me to almost feel as though I was there when it happened. In the end, it was a very inspirational experience to have seen these people, some strangers and others my own relatives, able to persevere through such a difficult situation. It gave me strength in knowing that they were able to continue their lives as if nothing had happened, and that I had played a part in that, even if it was only a small one.
When I look back at this entire experience I take pride in knowing that because of my willingness to help others I was able to comfort so many people at a time when they were in tremendous suffering. This experience not only helped remind me what a great thing it is to help others, especially at a time when they need it most, but it also gave me the greatest sense of satisfaction I have probably ever felt in my life. This satisfaction is what has pushed me to continue helping others and has also taught me to love it every single time.
I have edited some words and phrases in your first essay.
"Being the son of Mexican immigrants, I consider myself fortunate to be from a family with a strong Latino cultural heritage , a fact that has allowed me to perceive the world around me much differently than the average person living in the United States. Because of my family's cultural values, we maintain close connection with our relatives who live in Mexico.My family and I go to visit our relatives at least once every month and each visit is unique and special to me . However these regular trips to Mexico have also allowed me to realize how truly blessed I am here in the United States. Whenever I am in Mexico, I see that the homes of many people in the city are made of cardboard, simple sheets of metal, and even old tires; and I wonder how they are able to live in such poor conditions while I am blessed with a two-story home four-times the size of theirs. It is then that I appreciate the opportunities that are available to me here in the United States and understand why my parents chose to leave their families behind and come over to the United States; they came to this great country to allow my brother, my sister and me the chance for a better life through a good education. It is because of this sacrifice that my parents made that I see it as my responsibility to fulfill their unspoken wish and go to a university, and ultimately make them proud by graduating. To someday walk up to a podium and accept my diploma would fulfill not only my personal dream but also that of my parents, and when I will see the expressions on their faces, I will know that I have achieved what they have always wished for me. I can't say that I wouldn't have hadthis same dream if I wasn't Mexican-American, but I certainly do believe that my ethnic identity has had a strong influence on me, and has given me greater desire to turn my dream to reality.
