okay so this is my response to the first uc prompt (describe your world and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations)
this is my final draft, so feedback on it would be appreciated
word count: 634
Seventeen years ago, I was the first one born to a Hispanic family of much turmoil. When I was four, my mother had divorced my father due to alcohol abuse and subsequent acts of domestic violence towards her. My mother, Mexican and single with limited English, worked as a full time cashier while also attending school full time. She strived to bring my brother and I the best opportunities we could possibly have without the aid of my drunken dad. Our financial situation was taking a toll on our pockets and at times, our "home".
Financial hardship has been present throughout my life. Hopping from apartment to apartment, buying a house and having to sell it due to credit problems, and living in a hotel for a year, home was a very vague thing to me. Many of times, I was left at home with a babysitter while my mom was in school, attempting to get her A.A. after finally being "allowed" to go to school after leaving my dad. As my mother was single and working, I did not have much time to interact with her, thus my independence flourished with her absence. I taught myself how to cook, and homework was scarcely aided by my mother. Having learnt Spanish as my first language, the first years of school were difficult, mixing up my vocabulary between English and Spanish. Working towards her MBA, my mother set the quintessential example of what dedication, love, and education was all about for me. I realized the importance of an education and how it is indispensable to one regardless of their future career's salary. I learned that hard work was the cornerstone of achievement: challenging my academics became more frequent as I was motivated by the perseverance of my mother. Love was defined for me as the great lengths one would go to provide the most one could in order to allow their beloved to live up to their fullest potential to realize their dreams.
Through experiencing divorce and the frequent absence of a parent, I developed my character out of a negative template, into a more responsible young adult. My father's irresponsibility had given me a distorted image of what it was like to have a father. To me, a father was someone who would rather drink his beer and hurt his wife than nurture and raise his children. Very seldom visits from my father allowed me to see him in a different light than I could when I was younger. With experience, I began to see that my father was the complete opposite of a caring parent. The lack of respect for his family allowed me to reverse those off-putting qualities and transformed my disposition into an extroverted individual who prioritizes family as number one. I began to develop qualities that of a parent's with the advent of my baby sister. I assume the temporary role of a father when I care for my one year old sister while mom is away, drive my fifteen year old brother to and from soccer practice, and when I guide and counsel him with his social and academic hardships to allow them to experience what it is like to have a male figure that fosters his care for them.
Responsibility and respect are expected of an adult. My experiences have given me a rich perspective on life through struggles, losses, and achievements. I'm gaining the ability to relate to others on a completely deeper level as I develop connections with their struggles to mine. I saw real life through the eyes of my dedicated and proud mother. Her perseverance has shaped my vision of achieving past the standard; setting the bar higher and higher in my endeavors and pushing through in rough patches. University is just the beginning.
this is my final draft, so feedback on it would be appreciated
word count: 634
Seventeen years ago, I was the first one born to a Hispanic family of much turmoil. When I was four, my mother had divorced my father due to alcohol abuse and subsequent acts of domestic violence towards her. My mother, Mexican and single with limited English, worked as a full time cashier while also attending school full time. She strived to bring my brother and I the best opportunities we could possibly have without the aid of my drunken dad. Our financial situation was taking a toll on our pockets and at times, our "home".
Financial hardship has been present throughout my life. Hopping from apartment to apartment, buying a house and having to sell it due to credit problems, and living in a hotel for a year, home was a very vague thing to me. Many of times, I was left at home with a babysitter while my mom was in school, attempting to get her A.A. after finally being "allowed" to go to school after leaving my dad. As my mother was single and working, I did not have much time to interact with her, thus my independence flourished with her absence. I taught myself how to cook, and homework was scarcely aided by my mother. Having learnt Spanish as my first language, the first years of school were difficult, mixing up my vocabulary between English and Spanish. Working towards her MBA, my mother set the quintessential example of what dedication, love, and education was all about for me. I realized the importance of an education and how it is indispensable to one regardless of their future career's salary. I learned that hard work was the cornerstone of achievement: challenging my academics became more frequent as I was motivated by the perseverance of my mother. Love was defined for me as the great lengths one would go to provide the most one could in order to allow their beloved to live up to their fullest potential to realize their dreams.
Through experiencing divorce and the frequent absence of a parent, I developed my character out of a negative template, into a more responsible young adult. My father's irresponsibility had given me a distorted image of what it was like to have a father. To me, a father was someone who would rather drink his beer and hurt his wife than nurture and raise his children. Very seldom visits from my father allowed me to see him in a different light than I could when I was younger. With experience, I began to see that my father was the complete opposite of a caring parent. The lack of respect for his family allowed me to reverse those off-putting qualities and transformed my disposition into an extroverted individual who prioritizes family as number one. I began to develop qualities that of a parent's with the advent of my baby sister. I assume the temporary role of a father when I care for my one year old sister while mom is away, drive my fifteen year old brother to and from soccer practice, and when I guide and counsel him with his social and academic hardships to allow them to experience what it is like to have a male figure that fosters his care for them.
Responsibility and respect are expected of an adult. My experiences have given me a rich perspective on life through struggles, losses, and achievements. I'm gaining the ability to relate to others on a completely deeper level as I develop connections with their struggles to mine. I saw real life through the eyes of my dedicated and proud mother. Her perseverance has shaped my vision of achieving past the standard; setting the bar higher and higher in my endeavors and pushing through in rough patches. University is just the beginning.