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buttercup3 1 / -  
Aug 30, 2019   #1
I currently need opinions on this essay and what parts it may need work on. The subject is the topic of the essay and it's for college application. Thank you!

feels and dreams

I've had so many significant experiences in my life. Some I'm ashamed of and some I'm proud of. Nevertheless, they've helped me discover my passion, hobbies and most importantly, they have helped me shaped the person I am today.

When I was a young girl who was new at a Filipino school in a new country, it was different than I imagined it to be. I came into school with an allergy that caused redness and dryness around my lips; I was called names and bullied. I felt like an outcast and neglected. That feeling really got me down to the point where I didn't want to go to school. Some who were genuine and kind to me helped me overcome the fear - telling me that everything will be alright and they were right. Everything became alright.

A few months after joining the new school, I joined the Girl's Scout and I was selected to represent my camp. When I stepped on that stage for the very first time, I was scared. A girl in our camp told me, "Don't let them overshadow you. Stand out. Be different." That gave me confidence. I walked around the room with the upmost confidence a 5th grader could ever have. That night, I felt as if everything that I've gone through was suddenly worth it because I won.

The feeling of acceptance is indescribable and after that, I joined more pageants than I could count. My confidence kept growing and growing as the next one comes by. Then the time came where I was chosen to compete in a nationwide pageant. It was an adventure least to say.

I may have not won but I never lost my confidence. In fact, that loss made me dream bigger. I thought that maybe pageantry isn't for me. Apart from that, what I wanted to be is a model. Chasing a dream like that was difficult. It was difficult because I realized if I wanted to get into this industry - rejection is something to get used to. Getting rejected by a number of agencies because your portfolio wasn't enough can leave you hurt and disappointed, but I used that to encourage me to become better.

You're probably wondering, "Why a model?"

I've thought of other things I wanted to be; a fashion designer and an author. I got passionate for the both of it. It's where I can let my imagination run wild.

I discovered my love for turning clothes that aren't used anymore and to turning them into something new recently. It was a great way for me to reduce buying clothes and instead, turn clothes I've used to something I wanted to buy. I guess you could say I love turning things from drab into fab.

I thought about becoming an author long before I knew what I really wanted to be. It's when I discovered an online platform solely for writing. I wrote stories and at first, I was hesitant to post them because I was afraid of getting criticized. You can't really avoid those thoughts but when I posted them, I wish I should've done it earlier. They got attention and so much feedback that I decided to continue it, letting whatever I wanted to happen, happen.

But in my heart, I knew that what I really wanted to be, which was a model.

After living here and going to the same school in the UAE for a couple of years, I moved to a different school. I experienced something so much more different: I fell in love. You'd expect me to say with a guy, but no, it's with a girl.

She makes my heart beat fast whenever I think about her or whenever she's around me. She makes me fall in love all over again with a single word and a single look. She was gorgeous; divine if you please.

In a short amount of time, I've shared so many memories that I treasure with her. She showed me a different perspective in life in both good and bad. That sometimes things are not what they seem to be. She encourages me to strive hard, dream big and become the best version of myself.

Experiences like those makes me realize that while I'm still young, I still have a lot to discover in life and those experiences will and do define me as a person. A person that feels and dreams.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Sep 5, 2019   #2
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope it's not too late to provide you with a brief feedback on your writing. If you find this to be beneficial, I recommend that you incorporate more detail into it.

First and foremost, I find that the introductory portion of the essay is quite put-together as is. I recommend retaining it as it is. If you are able to do this, you'll be able to show the readers that you have the utmost intent to continuously expound things with intrinsic detail. Given this, you are able to showcase a sensible personality for your writing to be fully understood.

I would recommend that you try to explain things not just from the emotional point of view - rather, try to incorporate more details on how these circumstances translate to reality. If you are able to do this, you would be able to describe scenarios that would enlighten readers a lot more on how you can improve your writing in its entirety. Doing so will help you improve the way that you will be received by the people who are reading your work.