Hi - I am in the process of applying at UCF and was hoping someone could critique my draft essay. See the two topics I chose below and my essay.
Thanks for any help!
Topic 1. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
I have always wanted to go to college because I would be the first person in my family to do so. UCF was the first college I toured and when we drove onto the campus it felt like I was in a huge city whose purpose was to educate all who live there. Our tour was led by students who were very passionate and knowledgeable about the different programs. I am interested in pursuing a degree in the engineering program, and when we stepped into the building I was impressed with all the projects that were on display. One of them was a roller coaster for Disney, and our guide said that Disney hires most of their engineers from UCF. The amenities at UCF were amazing! There were pools and hot tubs where any of the students can relax in their free time. At one point of the tour we stepped into this huge gym with a rock wall, a track, and an innumerable amount of exercise machines. There was also a plethora of different restaurants around the campus, in which you can eat anytime of the day that you would like to. After our tour of the UCF campus, I was sure that I wanted to go to UCF.
Topic 2. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
My family has always supported my love for music. Ever since I was a child, I have been interested in playing some kind of musical instrument. Music is such a beautiful thing. It can fully express every human emotion, and also invoke emotion in its listener. Maybe this is the reason I am so enamored with music. The first instrument I learned to play was the piano. I always remember it being very difficult because you have to coordinate both of your hands to play two totally different things. Even though it was difficult, I was only seven years old when I was already playing piano recitals at my church. They were not the most difficult songs, and they did not sound perfect by far, but I still had the courage to play them in front of the whole church. In middle school, I join orchestra class, because I wanted to learn how to play the violin. Even though my parents hated the sound, I would practice every day at home for an hour until it sounded perfect. Eventually, and after much practice, my conductor moved me to the advanced violins section. I have been playing violin for eight years now, and have been in orchestra class just as long. For the past two years, I have been a section leader in the orchestra, and I get to teach a bunch of new people how to play violin. It is very satisfying to know that my knowledge of music can be passed down to others so that music can keep living, and inspire all the lives that it touches for as long as sound can be made on any instrument.
Thanks for any help!
Topic 1. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
I have always wanted to go to college because I would be the first person in my family to do so. UCF was the first college I toured and when we drove onto the campus it felt like I was in a huge city whose purpose was to educate all who live there. Our tour was led by students who were very passionate and knowledgeable about the different programs. I am interested in pursuing a degree in the engineering program, and when we stepped into the building I was impressed with all the projects that were on display. One of them was a roller coaster for Disney, and our guide said that Disney hires most of their engineers from UCF. The amenities at UCF were amazing! There were pools and hot tubs where any of the students can relax in their free time. At one point of the tour we stepped into this huge gym with a rock wall, a track, and an innumerable amount of exercise machines. There was also a plethora of different restaurants around the campus, in which you can eat anytime of the day that you would like to. After our tour of the UCF campus, I was sure that I wanted to go to UCF.
Topic 2. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
My family has always supported my love for music. Ever since I was a child, I have been interested in playing some kind of musical instrument. Music is such a beautiful thing. It can fully express every human emotion, and also invoke emotion in its listener. Maybe this is the reason I am so enamored with music. The first instrument I learned to play was the piano. I always remember it being very difficult because you have to coordinate both of your hands to play two totally different things. Even though it was difficult, I was only seven years old when I was already playing piano recitals at my church. They were not the most difficult songs, and they did not sound perfect by far, but I still had the courage to play them in front of the whole church. In middle school, I join orchestra class, because I wanted to learn how to play the violin. Even though my parents hated the sound, I would practice every day at home for an hour until it sounded perfect. Eventually, and after much practice, my conductor moved me to the advanced violins section. I have been playing violin for eight years now, and have been in orchestra class just as long. For the past two years, I have been a section leader in the orchestra, and I get to teach a bunch of new people how to play violin. It is very satisfying to know that my knowledge of music can be passed down to others so that music can keep living, and inspire all the lives that it touches for as long as sound can be made on any instrument.