''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
I have often felt out of place in Greensville, the small community I've lived in for thirteen years. As one of only four Asians in my graduating class and as a student coming from a family of modest means, I don't exactly conform to the wealthy, overwhelmingly white atmosphere of Greensville. When I was in middle school, I attempted to blend into the culture. I shopped at Abercrombie, befriended a few members of the popular crowd, and, for a while, felt like I was on top of the world. But I soon came to realize that the person I was trying to become-the "typical Greensville girl"-was not me. As I grew older and started high school, I watched my classmates spiral down unhealthy paths of partying, drugs, and alcohol. Watching these transformations take place made me even more convinced that I did not want to be sucked into the mainstream Greensville culture; rather, I wanted to find a group of people with whom I could feel free to be myself. Gradually, I formed friendships with people I truly connected with; people who, like me, were individualists and who preferred a game of "Apples to Apples" to a round of beer pong. It wasn't easy and it took me a long time, but I finally found a group of people whom I could truly identify with. I still don't fit in at Greensville, but I've come to realize that I don't want to. I'd rather just be myself.
This is my first draft. What are your thoughts?
I have often felt out of place in Greensville, the small community I've lived in for thirteen years. As one of only four Asians in my graduating class and as a student coming from a family of modest means, I don't exactly conform to the wealthy, overwhelmingly white atmosphere of Greensville. When I was in middle school, I attempted to blend into the culture. I shopped at Abercrombie, befriended a few members of the popular crowd, and, for a while, felt like I was on top of the world. But I soon came to realize that the person I was trying to become-the "typical Greensville girl"-was not me. As I grew older and started high school, I watched my classmates spiral down unhealthy paths of partying, drugs, and alcohol. Watching these transformations take place made me even more convinced that I did not want to be sucked into the mainstream Greensville culture; rather, I wanted to find a group of people with whom I could feel free to be myself. Gradually, I formed friendships with people I truly connected with; people who, like me, were individualists and who preferred a game of "Apples to Apples" to a round of beer pong. It wasn't easy and it took me a long time, but I finally found a group of people whom I could truly identify with. I still don't fit in at Greensville, but I've come to realize that I don't want to. I'd rather just be myself.
This is my first draft. What are your thoughts?