"New Soul" Smith "theme song" Supp

I have to submit today....REALLY NEED HELP!!
Please check my grammar! Thank you!!

Applying to college can be serious business; yet we're eager to get to know you in a less formal way. Have fun answering the following question: If you had a theme song - a piece of music that describes you best - what would it be and why? Please include the name of the song and the artist. (Limit response to 150 words)

"I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world..." Yes, the popular song New Soul in the Apple Ad. When my parrot passed away at my age of five my mother told me, "She is sleeping." So I believed the somehow connection between sleeping and death, therefore the waking...must be renascence! How came the golden sunshine and the refreshing feeling yet almost forgetting what I did yesterday? Miracle indeed! I became a new soul every morning and pretended to forget everything then to discover "the strange world". Well, now I still keep seeing the world in a curious way, and also give it a new meaning like Mr. Jobs said "thinking today as last day of life". But what will I do, using the fleeting time of today? Happiness, I believe, is the essence of everything worthy of fighting. I am a happy young soul and pursue the happiness of others, like singing in a springy tone while concerning on serious issues. "Finding trust and love is not always easy to make, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la..."

I have just few hours left...

Any feedback pls??

I think it sounds better if you say something like, '"My parrot passed away when I was five years old, however mother told me that she was only sleeping."


"From then on I related sleep with death, and similarly, waking up with rebirth." Something like that sounds smoother (keep renascence if you like it!).


Comma needed.


I'd add "for" at the end of this sentence.


You don't need this word.

Hopefully this helps a bit. I like the message you are putting across, very positive! Which country do you come from?

Thank you for the revising!!!

from China :) and you are american?

When my parrot passed away at my age of five my mother told me, "She is sleeping."
-When I was five, my parrot died but my mother told me that, "she is sleeping."

So I believed the somehow connection between sleeping and death, therefore the waking...must be renascence! How came the golden sunshine and the refreshing feeling yet almost forgetting what I did yesterday? Miracle indeed!

-This part is confusing... How does sleeping+death equate waking? And then the sentence afterwards I am just lost...

Overall I like your ending and your idea but it is confusing. I hope that helps you a little bit! Keep working and good luck!

Thanks! really helpful! I did not realize that my sentences are confusing...

And I like your ID. :p