"A NGO coordinator" short answer for the common app.

Hello and thanks to anyone who can help me with this extracurricular essay. I would love some feedback and comments!
Remember, you read mine and I'll definately read yours ;)

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

I entered the deteriorated building of the Rita Orphanage for the first time four years ago as one of the volunteers of the Sonhar Acordado NGO. I was swarmed by 16 playful children and since that day, a sense of fulfillment floods me every time I go there. Consummated by such feeling, I soon became one of the six coordinators of the NGO. I am in charge of organizing instructive activities for the children of the Rita, one of the six orphanages that the NGO works with. I have also twice helped producing a major event for more than 500 kids that Sonhar organizes every Christmas. My relationship with the kids developed my interpersonal skills and taught me that all you require to help those who need most is will, generosity and a ear to listen. That is something I shall carry throughout my life and profession.

I entered the deteriorated building of the Rita Orphanage for the first...

I was swarmed by sixteen playful children and since that day, a sense of fulfillment floods me every time I go there.

Consumed by such feeling, I soon became one of the six coordinators of the NGO.

I have also twice helped toproduce a major event for more than 500 kids that Sonhar organizes every Christmas.

My relationship with the children has developed my interpersonal skills and taught me that all you require to help those who need it most is will, generosity and an ear to listen with .

Those are things I shall carry throughout my life and profession.

Thanks for the help!