This is a very VERY rough draft. All comments appreciated. I will definitley look at yours!
Questions:
Does it flow? I feel it's somewhat choppy but don't know how to go about making it smoother.
Is the idea a little too far fetched/ vague?
Thanks again!
Prompt: What matters to you, and why?
The phrase "everyone is entitled to their own opinion" encompasses an ideal I find being passed over by much of society today. Sadly, I feel this negative attitude towards expressing interest in a particular cause or prevalent topic is gaining quickly. More and more I come across adults and teens terrified to engage in any type of verbal debate, for they fear it will end in feelings of anger or a bruised friendship. Civility in said verbal debate would not only buffer any heated words being thrown out, but give way to the exchange of facts aiding in the development of one's perspective and culture.
We are born with the ability to love, hate, desire, betray, and change our minds. There is no reason to waste the talent our brains harness to assess situations and form cognitive appraisal or disapproval of them. There is an infinite amount of knowledge to be shared when opinions are voiced. A single person's opinion can change the course of the future. The strength of voice is undeniable. This has been seen in much of history and continues to be seen in our everyday life. Not every person on Earth is allowed to speak their opinion. I feel a hushed opinion is equivalent to denying a right so many others fought for. Their opinion was that we deserved to feel as though we could create change where we saw fit.
Consequently, this entire essay is my opinion. My opinion matters to me, but so does everyone else's. It is so vital in our divided country to not only form strong opinions, but to voice them and stand with them. I don't deny the danger of opinions in both negative and positive situations. I believe, though, an opinion unspoken is equally as dangerous as a spoken opinion has the potential to be. Ultimately, the effect of an opinion isn't known until it's spoken. Still, fear should never serve as a boundary for productive thought and influence. Voice, of one or of many, matters to me. Then again, that's my opinion.
I think this is very well written and creative piece. I would say it is a tad repetitive though. But it really is amazing, good job!
All I see are opinions... After a word count, there are 14 opinions in your essay of 344 words. You should try using synonyms.
What matters to you and why?
This is very creative. I don't think that many people are going to use opinions... in my opinion (no pun intended)...
Overall, great essay. Like lily said, repetitive.
Holy cow I didn't even realize the amount of 'opinions' I had in there! Thank you!
I really like the first half. It's well written and creative. Overall, I like your ideas and what you're trying to say. On the other hand, I do think you need to step back, read this one more time, and rewrite it completely from scratch. I find that my essays are always better the second time I write them -- maybe it'll work for you too.
I edited the points I thought needed the most attention, but, again, I think you should go back, rewrite the second half, and post a new draft.
We are born with the ability to love, hate, desire, betray, and change our minds. I like this a lot. There is no reason to waste the talent our brains harness to assess situations and form cognitive appraisal or disapproval of them . Consider revising the striked bit of that sentence. I had to read it a couple times--it's pretty wordy. There is an infinite amount of knowledge to be shared when opinions are voiced. A single person's opinion can change the course of the future. The strength of voice is undeniable.I like what you're getting at, but the strength of voice, unfortunately, is denied in many places all over the world. Bummer. This has been seen in much of history and continues to be seen in our everyday life. Not every person on Earth is allowed to speak their opinion. I feel a hushed opinion is equivalent to denying a right so many others fought for.I feel like the first sentence is kind of stating something your readers already know and that the second is a good idea that just needs to be developed a little more. Show your reader why this is true--try using a real-world example and how that example makes you feel. Their (Whose, exactly?) opinion was that we deserved to feel as though we could create change where we saw fit.
Consequently, this entire essay is my opinion. My opinion matters to me, but so does everyone else's.Try to avoid commenting on your own essay within your essay. Also, of course your opinion matters to you. If your essay is about valuing opinions, this is obvious. It is so vital in our divided country to not only form strong opinions, but to voice them and stand with them. But, also, I think, to compromise. If we stand with our opinions and refuse to waver, we get stuck in this partisan mess we're in. Yuck. I don't deny the danger of opinions in both negative and positive situations. I believe, though, an opinion unspoken is equally as dangerous as a spoken opinion has the potential to be. Ultimately, the effect of an opinion isn't known until it's spoken. Still,F ear should never serve as a boundary for productive thought and influence. Voice, of one or of many, matters to me. Then again, that's just my opinion. I actually really like the final sentence. It's kind of a clever play on your point.
Best of luck!!
Also, if you'd mind, my "Confidence" essay needs a lil' help.
great essay, but maybe you can tie a personal expereince making the essay stronger.
