Overcoming setbacks. UBC personal profile essay : TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

I'm applying to ubc and i need a thorough review of my answer to the first question. I am not AT ALL proud of it but i barely have anytime for rewriting it from the start. So brutal criticism it is :)

PROMPT: TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE.

HOW WOULD YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND/OR MEMBERS OF YOUR COMMUNITY DESCRIBE YOU? IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF AND WHY. (MAXIMUM 1500 CHARACTERS)

My diagnosis with ADD came as a surprise not only for me, but more so for my family and friends. I have always appeared as a confident person who knows what she wants, and aims for it, As opposed to the disorganized nature of ADD patients. This responsible image of mine is what got me voted as class president in my freshman year, being trusted by my class to represent them in the student body. Nobody seemed to noticed how much I was struggling to stay on track. I was forgetful and lacked discipline, so I always kept a pocket journal with me. I had trouble following instructions and adhering to norms, so I often acted spontaneously, doing things my own way. I had trouble staying motivated or focused so I joined many different extracurriculars and came up with several startups and projects, since new experiences excite me. The habits I adopted to conceal my flaws were interpreted by others as admirable traits; ordered, creative, curious, diligent.

Who I am, nevertheless, is not a sum of the setbacks I've faced, but the products of overcoming them. It was undeniably difficult to live with an untreated brain impairment for most of my life. However, my critical thinking and problem-solving skills are what make me able to cope through all obstacles; moreover, I've unconsciously developed strategies that reduce the severity of my symptoms. I was able to graduate with impressive grades for my condition, cofound a start-up, and lay the foundations for a conscious clothing brand.

The problem is that YOU HAVE TO REWRITE THIS ESSAY FROM SCRATCH. Read the prompt and then review your essay. All you talk about from beginning to end is how you overcame ADD. You focused on the "I" presentation rather than the "they view me" requirement. You are indeed admirable for all you have accomplished throughout your brain and learning impairment. However, that does not tell the reviewer anything about how the illness affected the way your parents, friends, and community view you as a person, in a positive light. The essay speaks of a strong personal accomplishment, focusing on the final part of the essay, but totally disregards the first half of the discussion requirement. The ADD is one thing, how this illness will make you an asset to the student community, as a family member, friend, and colleague is another thing.