Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

'overshadowing my yearly summer vacation' - Princeton Supplement


JessH 4 / 10  
Oct 11, 2011   #1
This is my Supplement essay.Prompt:Describe how you spent the last two summers.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.


The EYP is not, if one considers it in its entirety, just an extracurricular activity or simply "the way I spent my last two summers". The main reason why that is the case is that EYP with the games, seriousness and everything in between, is an experience which leaves ones to reflect afterwards, reflection which soon brings to acquiring lessons that stay with you forever and that shape who you are as a citizen of the world, debater, and human being.

It brings together, youngsters ages 16-20 from all over a country. It then proceeds to distribute them in topic-specific committees, only to bring them together again in a General Assembly where some of the most pressing issues of today are discussed with the aim of finding proper solutions and all is wrapped up with a vote which approves or rejects each respective committee's resolution.

I think that one can value an experience only by assessing its memories. So, where to start? I will always remember 200 exhausted delegates in a huge circle at midnight being given directions for all sorts of games by an even more exhausted Organizational team, the laughter, hugs, screams and rhyme songs rippling through that circle. One cannot possibly forget how 200 teens, after hours of waiting, flocked around a baffled organizer carrying the resolutions fresh off the press as if he were handing out free iPhones. I don't think I've seen such excitement for paperwork in my life.

I'll always carry with me the seemingly silly games played during Team Building, games the purpose of which always managed to elude us and most importantly, teach us something valuable about ourselves. I recall now, how after five hours of endless discussion and dozens of ideas thrown around, our committee finally reached a common solution for our topic. I will cherish the applause after one my speeches during the assembly, how I blushed and looked down, but was secretly pleased by the approval of my peers. I will always have the friends, made through the shared excitement for ideas, with many of which I still have intense, dynamic, and productive discussions in which we are free to explore the limits of our imaginations, cultivating the seed that EYP planted.

Most of my other memories of these last two summers have blended with each other. The majority of my time was spent reading, burning quickly through my summer reading list while simultaneously adding new titles to it and writing a few short stories and poems when inspiration hit. EYP dominates the landscape with the greatest amount of fun I've ever had, overshadowing my yearly summer vacation. I can only assume the reason that is, is that it combines one of my biggest passions, debating, with sheer entertainment thus creating an irresistible formula.
Lovemedoosie 3 / 12  
Oct 12, 2011   #2
Hi :) I actually have a quick thing... This is not Princeton's supplement essay, but rather a short answer paragraph or two that HAS to be under 2500 CHARACTERS (word limits aren't a big deal, but character limits? Come on...) So I just thought you should know that this is a little too long for their "Quasi-supplement."

Now, your essay. First off, describe what EYP is. Don't assume your reader knows.

"the way I spent my last two summers". Punctuation goes INSIDE quotes (unless you're parenthetically citing something).

The main reason why that is the case is that EYP with the games, seriousness and everything in between, is an experience which leaves ones to reflect afterwards, reflection which soon brings to acquiring lessons that stay with you forever and that shape who you are as a citizen of the world, debater, and human being. Try to avoid "the reason that..." it sounds unprofessional and it TELLS, opposed to SHOWS. Place a comma after "seriousness." You need to stay with one person. You're using both first and second person, which confuses the reader (it sounds dumb, but it's just a writing courtesy...) So eradicate the use of the word "you."

"It brings together, youngsters ages 16-20 from all over a country." Do not place a comma after "together."

Other than the technical stuff (sorry if it sounds like I'm being a grammar nazi), I think it's really good :) The biggest thing is just to chop it down a little bit, because you can't upload a document like most supplements. You have to type it into a box which will NOT let you exceed 2500 characters.

Good luck! I hope I helped a bit :)
OP JessH 4 / 10  
Oct 12, 2011   #3
Yes true, this is a short answer,but from what Word tells me,this is under 2500 characters.Unless I haven't read it right,this should be around 2100 characters.Is it still too much?Should I keep it under 1000?

Thank you for the rest of your response.

And,apparently I have forgotten to add European Youth Parliament in brackets.I meant to.

You don't sound like a grammar nazi btw,those little details are what I'm looking for.Also,I have another question which may sound a little dumb:Do you think this is good enough for Princeton considering English is not my native language and the quality of the essay overall?
Lovemedoosie 3 / 12  
Oct 12, 2011   #4
Okay. Maybe my computer is just being dumb. It said it was over. But hey, that's what poorly-funded boarding school laptops get you. (;

Considering English is NOT your native language, your writing is very good. :) Just cross your fingers like I am. haha.


Home / Undergraduate / 'overshadowing my yearly summer vacation' - Princeton Supplement