5-7 paragraph (Studying in England universities has many benefits)

Write a paragraph (5-7 sentences) in which your opening sentence begins: "Though very expensive...

Though very expensive, studying at England universities has many benefits. First, professional instructors provide the student with excellent knowledge in his major field. In addition, he gains strong skills in English language. Second, accredited certificate, that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree, enables him to continue master's and doctoral programs wherever he wishes. It also gives graduate student an opportunity to get a good job in his career. Last of all, dealing with people from all over the world broadens the student's horizon as he sees different kinds of characters, different living styles, and different languages and cultures. This qualifies him to be more successful in his future careers.

I don't like how you use "he" and "his" throughout the paragraph when referring to a student. I think it would be more "politically correct" to substitute "he" with "they".

"Second, accredited certificate, that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree, enables him to continue..."

"It also gives a graduate student an opportunity..."

Also, if you use "that" there should be no commas in this sentence:
"Second, accredited certificate that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree enables him to continue..."

I hope this will help. Good luck!

accredited certificate, that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree..

the paragraph after changing the pronoune (he) to (they)

Though very expensive, studying in England universities has many benefits. First, professional instructors provide students with excellent knowledge in their major fields. In addition, they gain strong skills in English language. Second, accredited certificate that the students will get after completing their bachelor degrees enables them to continue master's and doctoral programs wherever they wish. It also gives graduate students an opportunity to get good jobs in their careers. Last of all, dealing with people from all over the world broadens the students' horizon as they see different kinds of characters, different living styles, and different languages and cultures. This qualifies them to be more successful in their future careers.

which is better?
studying in England universities or at England universities

It would be even better to substitute "she," because in past generations the male pronouns were overused so we should make up for it now by writing "she" or "she or he."

Also...
Second, the accredited certificate that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree enables him to continue his education by enrolling in a master's or doctoral program wherever he wishes.

This is an interesting prompt. You did a good job of using "Though very expensive."